Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Vacation

I am an only child. Well, as far as I know. See, my mom is a surgeon, as I said before. My dad couldn't deal with her. If she wasn't being nasty and hateful, one would assume that she wasn't alive. So he left. I don't really remember it. I was around six years old, I'd say. My mom was convinced there was another woman. And one would assume there was, considering he moved out of state and found a new family. So he left me with her, and that is the most cruel thing he could have done to me. I would have been better off raised by dogs.

See, my grandmother, his mother, is one of the nicest people in the world. She choses to live in denial that her son ran off and lost contact with the world. She pretends that everything is great, and everyone is happy. She is my only grandmother, seeing as the pack of wolves my mom came from are all dead and gone. I'll never know if they were as rotten as she. I love grandma, but she is almost too bright and shiny. It kind of gags me. But I deal.

My dad has a sister. That is where my aunt comes in. Aunt Claire lives out of state. She has her own issues, but she is better off than my dad. She was the golden child. My grandparents think she can do no wrong. When I was little, in the back of my head, I always wondered if she would have kids. She never did. And never had a person been more thankful than I. I was used to getting things. I was used to being the center of attention. And if she had a kid, well it would be like knocking me out of the running for the thrown. That's how I was. I still am, a little. But that was when I was normal. When I was a bright and shiny normal kid. That was before. Before I turned dark.

When I first heard about Mark, I was concerned. I was concerned that he would move in on my turf. Luckily, I realized that wasn't an issue. It wasn't even close to an issue. Mark was dark and twisty like me, but definitely not so selfish. That is the difference between growing up privileged and growing up poor. I didn't appreciate, and he did.

I'm not happy. Well, I'm happy. But I'm not happy. That seems to be the way I am. Hot and cold, I guess you could say. I don't get joy in a lot of things. Even fun for me, isn't fun. I'm just not sure how to have fun. Occasionally, I melt. But generally, I stay frozen. It's easier that way. You don't get hurt.

I'm in the car with my grandparents. This means I am in a fog. A literal cigarette smoke fog. I think this is part of the reason why my mom hates my grandparents. She's a doctor, they are making their lungs black. All of that fun stuff. We are going to my aunt's house. See, my Aunt Claire, for all of my life had come to see me on my birthday. She would take off a week, and come just to see me. Well this summer, we were going to her house. I can't help but be a little excited, seeing as this is where Mark lives. And my life for the past six months had been far too Mark-free.

"Are we there yet?" I ask, typical of a small child, which I truly am not.

"Does it look like we are there?" My grandfather asked as he looked at me in the rearview mirror.

"No." I grumble as I fumble with the buttons on my iPod.

"Do you want a snack or a drink?" My grandma asks as she looks back.

"I am fine. Not everyone has to eat every five minutes." I snap. I do that a lot. Too much. I am mean. I do snap. That is what happens when people let you walk all over them your whole life. They did it with their kids, and apparently I am following suit.

"Well, if you need something, here it is." She said as she handed me a bag of snacks.

"Thanks." I mumble before I turn the music up as loud as it will go and I drown out the world.

I stay silent. See, there once was a time when the words poured out and never stopped. They said I was the most talkative person in the world. I would talk nonstop to anyone. But life changes, and things change you to your depths. I don't talk. I talk a lot in my head. There it pours angrily and nastily. But generally I don't talk unless need be. And I don't say something unless I mean it. I have learned from listening to people, that they say some of the stupidest shit you have ever heard. Nonstop talking is annoying and needless. I have nothing to say. I keep my face straight, my jaw clenched.