Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Maintenance

I have come to a realization. I need to do some maintenance. The lawn needs mowed. I need to do some trim work. If Derek is going to be hanging out down south, he needs to have a fun place to play. A fun, clean, safe playground. Bodies are playgrounds of the greatest kind. And believe me, after I figured out the magic he can do with his tongue, I want him playing down there.

I have never had a reason to maintenance. I didn't have men. Like I said, I am not a whore. I don't pick up random guys. And getting close to a man is next to impossible to me. So this the first time. And I am not close! I am just... Fucking. So anyway, this... It's not something I have really messed with. I always went au naturale. I went the way nature intended. But now, I know that things could be a little nicer. The shrubbery needs pruning. I am now going to create an amazing topiary, out of my bush.

I could get waxed, but the idea of having someone in my nether region is something that I have issues with. If Derek didn't cause me great pleasure, I would never have let him down there. And now, it seems I must take matters into my own hands. So this means doing the work myself. This could mean disaster. Most likely disaster.

I walk my way into the bathroom. I know I am going to need a good razor. I'm going to need shave gel. I riffle through the cabinets and find a can that has moisturizer in it. Or so it says. I pull off my pants and wet the area down. I quickly place the cream on thick. Soften the hair, right? I know I should be in the shower, but placing on leg on the toilet seems to work best for me.

As I start, reality sets in. One swipe with the razor, and I am realizing that whacking the bush it not so easy. I look at the razor that is now completely covered with hair. I look at my pussy, and you can't even tell that I did anything. This isn't right. It is not working right. I try again, rinsing the razor under the tap, filling the sink with pubics.

"Fuck!" I cry out as I pull the hair that is stuck in the razor out by the root.

Now the damn hair is clogging the razor and causing it to pull out. It's not working. Not even close. It's too dam long and too thick. I look down at the floor. There are pubics all over. This is not good. I groan as I look around for plan B. Scissors. I grab those and flip the water on in the shower. I rinse off the shave cream, and flip the water back off. This was common sense. Of course you would get the hair shorter before you shave.

I quickly chop chop the area, taking it down as far as I can. I have a basic design in play. I am a pussy designer. Yay me. As I look down, I see my shower now looks like a beast. It looks like someone coated it in pubic hair paint. It looks like Chewbacca was killed in my shower. It was pretty sick, actually. If I knew that someone else was doing this shit in my shower, I'd never get in it again. Now for the fun...

I flip on the warm water and place a leg on the toilet once again. This time, much better. This time, my nether region is looking somewhat bare, the way it is supposed . to. I contort myself around so that I can get a good look and start the finishing touches of my design. Just as my head gets to looking, I feel my foot slide off.

"Fuck!" I shout as I crash to the floor. I look up and thank god that I didn't cut my labium majus off.

"Mer... Are you okay?" I hear Mark ask as he comes to the door.

"Fine..." I say as I climb to my feet. "Just fine..." After several swipes, a satisfied grin covers my face. I have successfully completed my mission. I run my hand over my own softness. Perfection.

I quickly climb into the public hair laden shower. As I flip the water in, I am feeling pretty proud of myself. It's for the greater fuck, not the greater good. I go through my usual routine, and soon realize that the water in filling the shower. It is filling because I have clogged the thing. I turn the water off in a panic and begin hastily pulling hair out of the drain.