Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Milk Run

Okay... It's that time of year again. My best cousin Mark will be coming back. Once in the summer and once and Christmas. It seems that that time has rolled around. And once again, I am still the same. I'm beginning to think it is a little sad. Not really sad, really freaking pathetic. It actually is quite embarrassing. Meredith is the same. She is still going to school and doing the same things. Isn't life about growing and prospering? Well, not for me, I guess.

So, you have to be wondering about Kevin. Well, let me start by saying, Kevin was a great guy. I mean unbelievably great. He was that guy that was always nice. He was never rude. He never mad you feel like shit or talk down to you. He was just a good guy. And yes, something came of it. Something did. Was it good? Who the hell knows.

After Kevin pulled away from my house, I hid. I ran inside and laid on my sofa, chiding myself for being such a pathetic little whore. See, I am a lot of talk. Me having that whole little fuck buddy experience with Derek... Yeah that was way out of character. I am a horny little bitch, but I am not a whore and I don't spread my legs freely. So there I laid, feeling filthy, so filthy that I couldn't even force myself into the shower.

Well, my filthiness stayed for awhile. Not because of the sex. It was the emotional part. I mean, like I said, Kevin was great. He was freaking nice as hell and I let him stick it in my pussy. Now I wonder what he was thinking. I wonder what he is feeling. No, I guess I really don't have to wonder. He is a guy. He isn't thinking a damn thing except what pussy to jump to next. But then again, Kevin was different. Maybe he was in a pile crying himself to sleep at the new void that was me. I swear, if he had done that, I never would have done it again.

Yes, you heard me. I did say it. Damn me. Shame. I hide my head in shame. I may have done it again. And again. I really couldn't even tell you how many times I did do it. I did it countless times. We did it many times. And it was not bad. How bad is it that is was not bad? I'm sure you are thinking that is is pretty bad. Oh well, It was good. you can't lie about a good fuck.

So, now I have admitted that I just may have fucked Kevin again. Or several times. I did say several time. And it was several times. Now you have to wonder how it came about. Now that is interesting. I had absolutely no plans on ever letting that cock hit me again. I actually did wash his number in the washing machine just as I assumed I would. No, I never called him. He actually called me. Once. That damn bitch Izzie gave him my number. Imagine my surprise. She was lucky I didn't go cage fighter on her and feed her to a human eating horse. I should have. I so should have.

So Kevin called me once as asked me to go out with him. Just hanging out. Friends, you know. And I can honestly say, I don't think he just wanted a piece of ass. We just got along like that. And so it started as hanging out. Of course hanging out turned to sex. And you will never believe this, but sex turned into some kind of relationship. I won't say dating. I don't date. It was something else. Lots of sex and some conversation. He was a lot of fun to hang around with. And of course I formed that dreaded attachment to him.

So this relationship, it did not last. Nothing ever lasts with me. I can't be blamed. I warned him. Right from day one, I said I couldn't commit. And when it came down to it, I could not. He wanted a lot from me and I found it impossible to give him anything more than ten percent of my total worth. Apparently ten percent wasn't enough. The sad thing is, it maybe could have worked. But it most definitely did not.

So it lasted a month. It really was a good month. Afterwards, I found out the truth. The truth was that Izzie had convinced Kevin that maybe I could commit. She really thought I could, and Kevin was hoping I would. It wasn't a conspiracy on his end. It was more of a hope for him. He really saw things happening, and it was so far from grasp, it wasn't even funny. So we ended it. It was mutual, and admittedly somewhat sad. I walked away without feelings. That is what I do. I wonder how long it will work.