Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Upset

I sit on my bed and stare at the wall. This is all too new to me. This is all so different. Derek is in my shower right now. He is taking a shower and I am supposed o be getting ready to go out. I can't seem to peel myself away from this interesting wall. Okay, maybe it isn't so interesting, but it is better than picking out something to wear. Why does Derek have to take me out for dinner? I'd just rather stay in my cocoon. Preferably by myself, sending him away when I am done with him.

It's not that I want Derek to leave. It's not that he turns me off to were I can't even look at him. It's that he makes me uncomfortable. He isn't doing anything wrong. He is being supportive, and nice. He is going out of his way to make me feel special. These are things I haven't felt before. Really, just not in a long time. I'm afraid to get hurt. That scares me worse than anything else could.

"Are you ready?" Derek asks as he rounds the corner and walks into my room. "You're not." He says in shock as he looks at me. Here I sit, still in a towel, not even in my robe. My hair is still wet and laying on my shoulder, the occasional drip running down to it's tip.

"I will be." I mutter, not coming out of my fog. I'm completely enthralled by this perfect silence that I was in. Now Derek is here, putting pressure on me. "I'm going." I tell him as I remain seated and look not at him, but at that wall. It's like a trance I'm in and I enjoy it when I go there.

"Our reservations are for- Oh my God, Mer, we have to go soon. I had to pull strings to get us in there." He tells me as he stands by my side. I still haven't looked at him, but I know that he is there, looking at the side of my face, and jumping up to get ready. "I guess we could just cancel." He suggests as he let's out a disappointed sigh. Music to my ears, and yet I feel a pang of guilt.

"I'm going." I say again but this time I do it. I quickly rise to my feet, snapping out of my trance. "I'll be out in a second." I tell Derek as I walk into my closet. Most girls would freak out, but not me. I grab a simple black lace bra and matching bikini cut panties. I pull them on and then grab my cranberry, white and navy striped button up top and black pants. I'm sure it's not as sexy as he would like, but it's all I have. I'm not one for dressing up. I quickly run my fingers through my hair and grab a pair of socks. "Okay." I tell him as I walk out of my closet now in my favorite black boots.

"Already?" He asks in shock as he looks at me. Apparently he is used to regular girls. I don't bother with makeup. I thought about it when I was younger. Once before a school dance, probably the only one I went to, my friend and I went to the mall. Her friend worked at the makeup counter and was going to give us free makeovers. I'll never forget that girl saying I had great skin and don't ruin it with makeup. That was the last time I wore it.

"Yep. Are you ready to go?" I ask him as I spritz my hair, hoping the natural light curl will behave itself. "I'm ready." I say as I walk past him and down the stairs. I walk in the kitchen and grab my purse.

"I can't believe- I mean, you look amazing, but I can't believe that you got ready so quickly." He says in shock as he grabs his keys. Apparently he would rather drive than me. I can't say I blame him, my Jeep smells horrible. "I've never known a girl who can get ready so quickly." He points out as he unlocks his car and opens the door for me. I slide into the low seat and lay my head back. I can do this. It's not like Derek is a stranger. "Hey..." He whispers as he grabs my hand for a second and strokes it at a red light. When it changes, he releases and goes back to shifting.

"I'm okay." I say to myself. The problem is, I said it too loud and Derek hears me say it. He quickly looks over at me. He realizes that I am saying it to myself, not to him.

"What's wrong?" He says in shock. I'm sure he isn't used to a complete freak of a girl sitting next to him. "Do you want to go home?" I know he doesn't. For once in my life, I have to not be selfish.