Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Thanks Anyway

I don't open my eyes. I don't have to. I know I screwed up. See, that whole free love, let's have sex and be fuck buddies thing, that is not me. Not at all. In fact, I am a conservative girl. I like to know the guys I am going to screw. I knew Kevin somewhat, but that didn't make it any better. And Derek, I didn't know him at all. Sure I had spent some time with him in the summer, but I did not know him. For some reason I was drawn to the boy. I'm not sure if I will ever know why.

As I said, I am not opening my eyes. I can't. I am afraid that I will really see what went down last night. I know what went down. But I have to say, I am a smart girl. Always use the glove and I am on birth control. And if I told you the number of guys I have slept with, well you may just die laughing. I have been telling you throughout this whole journey that I am not a whore. I was not kidding.

Finally I do it. I open my eyes. I know I have clothes on because never once in my life have I fucked and laid naked. I can get naked during sex, but there is that time after. It's when you come down from your high and you look. You forget about the amazing sex, and start to judge the person next to you. You know they say everyone looks a little hotter after a few beers, well, I don't want Kevin to think that. As I open my eyes I see the used condom on the floor. I mean seriously, that is disgusting. Why the hell would you leave a used condom on the floor? I hope he was just drunk, and not really a slob.

Oh fuck. He is looking at me. Of course I had to look over there. Of course. Mer, sometimes I think you really are the biggest idiot in the world. I mean, seriously. You just looked over and now your eyes are stuck and you are in that awkward moment. The moment of yes, we fucked last night, now what does this mean? Well, I can tell you what this means. Shit. It means nothing.

"Morning." Kevin says with a smile as he looks at me. Great, now he is talking to me. Great. So much for escaping.

"Morning." I mumble as I pull myself up. Damn. Why did I share my body last night? The sad thing is, I wasn't even drunk. That was all Meredith last night. That was Meredith being a big whore and dumb ass. I have to escape. Pee. I must pee. My escape.

Okay, Izzie isn't the cleanest person in the world. I thank god that I am not hung over. If I was hung over, I would be fucked. This is not the toilet that I would want to be hung over. I squat because frankly, I would rather pee out in the yard like a dog. That would be good. Peeing in the yard like an animal would be better than hanging out on this disease ridden toilet.

Okay, I am avoiding. I sure as hell do not want to go back out there. I do not want to look at him as I drink my coffee. I don't want to have to confront him about last night. I don't want us to have conversation about the future. There is no future. For us, there is going to be nothing. I mean, last night was a huge mistake. And right now if I could escape out this tiny bathroom window, I would. And I would gladly walk down the road and two towns over where I live.

"I have to pee!" I hear Izzie whine from the other side of the door. At this moment, I would like to beat her ass. At this moment, I want to tell the whiny bitch to shut up. She is fucking up my game and I don't take lightly to that. "Come on!" She pouts as she bangs on the door. Damn her and her one bathroom house. Who's bright idea was that anyhow?

"Fine..." I growl as I wash my hands and open the door. In this moment, I don't like her. Not one bit. I look at her as she rushes in. I just want out of here. "When can you take me home?" I ask frankly.

"As soon as my head stops pounding." She says as she sits on the toilet. Yeah, it's her toilet. I guess her own thrown isn't as repugnant to her as it is to me. I would rather pee in the yard, and I think we went over that already.

"Well... Take some aspirin or something." I tell her as I walk off. There is only one place to go, and I don't want to go back out there. No way. I look in their bedroom and see Chris in bed. He had his hands in his pants and he is hard. Nice... Real nice. Nice if you want to spew all over yourself. I don't, so I quickly turn away.