Less than Lovers, More than Friends

The Quarry

My birthday is coming. I hate my birthday. I hate it. I seriously wish that everyone would forget it. I think a lot of people say they hate their birthday, but they don't. It's just something to say. Another year older. All of that. That isn't what it is for me. I mean, I hate getting older. I want to forever remain a child. At least children are safe. Although, I truly was not. I hate the day. It was the day I was born. Probably the worst day of my life. Thinking about it makes me sick. Everyone's focus is on me, and I wish it was off of me. I would like to disappear into the wall.

The day I was born was a nice day. Hot, I guess. Really hot. My mother suffered. Over twenty-four hours of labor. She suffered all right, although I am fairly certain she deserved it. She was busy at the time. She was born to be a surgeon. I was just something that got in her way. I swear she popped me out and just left me laying there. I am still laying there. Cold. Scared. Alone. I hate that day. It makes me an emotional wreck. I wish it would never come. I wish it would go away forever.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asks as he walks up. That annoyed me. It shouldn't, but it does. It does because I am thinking about that day and I can't tell him that because it upsets me. And I wouldn't tell him anyhow.

"Nothing." I say as I roll my eyes. I was thinking about how if that day disappeared, I would disappear. If I disappeared, I wonder if anyone would miss me. I think about it. If I were gone. I think about what people would do if I died. It's one of my emotional moments. I actually cry. Maybe they should suffer the way I have. I'm too chicken. I couldn't. No matter how badly I want to, I never will.

"You were definitely thinking about something." Derek points out as he looks over at me. I avoid eye contact. I'm not looking at him. I can't.

"What's going on?" Mark asks as he comes in. I am leaning against the counter, trying to look away. Trying to look down.

"What does Mer look like when she thinks?" Derek asks with a chuckle as he talks to Mark. I am in that comfortable zone.

"Oh... Like this." Mark says. I look up and see him staring off into space. He definitely hit the nail on the head. I was thinking. I was deep in thought.

"Yep, she was thinking." Derek says with a smile. "I'm just not sure what she was thinking about..."

"I told you! Nothing. Can't you leave it the fuck alone?" I snap as I look at him. "God."

"Whoa, Mer. Calm down." Mark says in shock. Mark and Derek exchange a look. I see it. I see the look. I don't like that look. It is as if they are thinking about me. Thinking about what I am doing or thinking. I hate that shit.

"I am calm. I am so freaking calm." I tell them as I draw in a breath. "What is going on in my head. It's nothing. No big deal. You just need to not worry about it. I was thinking about how hot it is. That's all." I mumble as I close my eyes.

"Hot... Yeah, it is. You guys should go to the quarry." She suggests as she looks at us. Of course the boys are interested. Me? Not so much.

"The quarry?" I ask as I turn up my nose. "We don't need to go to the quarry. It is cold. And deep. And- No." I grumble. I don't need to parade my ass around in a bathing suit. I would rather sit here and grumble.

"Oh... Come on, Mer. Let's go. The quarry... It will be fun." Derek says with a big smile. "Come on... Please?" When you look into those blue eyes, you get sucked in. You have to go. I take in a deep breath. Okay. Going to the quarry with two guys. That sounds like fun. Actually, it sounds like trouble.

"Fine..." I say as I shake my head. Why am I appeasing them? Oh yes... Those damn blue eyes and that pathetic little frown. He is a pouter. I have to admit, he is an adorable pouter. "We will go. But I'm not sure why." I say with a frown as I look at them both.