Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Pondering

A year went by. I didn't think about Derek. See that is how it goes. Every time I see Mark and he goes home, or I go home, we talk for awhile, and then go back to our normal lives and lose contact. Derek Shepherd was not on my mind. Maybe I would see someone pass by that looked like him, but I never spontaneously thought about him. Never.

"So when is Aunt Claire going to be in town?" I ask my grandma quickly. Not that I care. Okay, maybe a little. I can't wait to see Mark. I can't wait for my biyearly dose of immaturity.

"Friday." Grandma says happily. "Will you be over?" She questions.

"Uh... Yeah. Maybe. I don't know." I say nonchalantly.

"Well, we would love it if you could make it over. They should be in around five. Oh yeah, we are going to have an extra this year." Grandma mutters into the phone like it is nothing.

"An extra. What do you mean, and extra?" I ask quickly. Last time she said that, I got Mark.

"Oh... Well you remember that nice boy. What was his name? Oh yeah, Derek. Derek, he is coming." Grandma tells be as she remembers.

"Derek? Derek! Why is he coming?" I snap quickly. Great. Now he is coming. Fucking great. As if they didn't torture me enough when I was up there. Now they will come here and do it. Not this time. No way! I am not putting up with this. They are going down.

"I guess his sister moved out of state, and his mother is going there. Either way, he is coming for the holidays." Grandma explains.

"Doesn't he have his own family? Why can't he go with his mom? He doesn't need to come here!" I spit quickly.

"Well, Meredith... If you want to know, you can ask him on Friday." Grandma says frankly. Attitude. Yep, I sense that from her. And that only makes me strike back.

"Well maybe I will. Maybe I will ask him because he has no reason to be coming here and moving in on- Never mind!" I say quickly.

"Are you in one of your moods?" Grandma asks me, knowing me all too well.

"I am fine. I don't have a problem. Do you have a problem?" I snap loudly.

"I will see you Friday, Meredith. Goodbye." Grandma says quickly.

"Yeah." I mutter as I hang up the phone.

The week went quickly. I kept myself busy doing the same things that I always do. My life never changes. It never changes. I don't know if I mind it or not. Nonetheless, I am still the same girl. The girl with issues. The girl who cannot play well with others. The girl who has emotional problems. I am her. And I shall never change.

I look up at my clock. I should pack my bag. I should go over there. I should do it. But part of me doesn't want to. God forbid I have some fun. I quickly pack some jeans and shirts along with my other stuff into a small bag. I look at my bras and panties. I grab for the good stuff. Why, I do not know. I am not trying to impress anyone.

Walking into that house is a joke. It really is a joke. I swear, Santa and his elves ate everything Christmas, chewed it up, swallowed, retched, re-ate it, and then puked it into a nice mess in this house. Seriously. If there were any thing else holiday related packed into this house, the roof would blow. It makes you sick. Holiday hand towels, rugs, blankets, statues, plates, cups anything and everything. I sea of sickening red and green.

"Hey... Long time." Aunt Claire says as I walk in. The dreaded hug is coming. It's close. Oh god! Here it is...

"Hey Aunt Claire." I say with a faint smile as I pull away from her.

"How have you been?" She asks me as she looks into my eyes.

"Good. Same stuff, you know?" I tell her frankly as we walk further into the house.