Less than Lovers, More than Friends

No Control

It's amazing the self control you can gain when you are denied something. Truly it's more when you are denied from someone other than the person giving you the spoils. What I mean, is it is hell to be surrounded by a group of family, when all you want to do is lay down on that rug in the living room and grind until cum runs down your thigh and stains that expensive recent turkeman purchase. So thus this is our lesson in self control. We get better by the day.

I look up at Derek as he listens to one of my grandmother's stories. They are generally funny, or at least end in a laugh. Saying that, you probably thing she is funny by nature, or that she is able to crack a good joke. That isn't the case. It's actually more that she has told a story, and either she doesn't get the point of her whole story, or she failed miserably telling it. That is when we laugh. We laugh at her naive foolishness.

"Grandma, you are so funny." Mark says with a laugh as he shakes his head. She wasn't funny. Just now, she was more annoying than anything. Just now, she was preventing me from the things that I wanted so badly.

"Yeah, funny." I say sarcastically. I look outside into the darkness. These people have been talking for so long, the sun has now set beyond the horizon and the blanket of stars now covers a pitch black sky. "So..." I mutter, hoping to disperse the crowd, sending them away.

"Oh yeah!" Mark says as he exuberantly grabs my arm. I have something I want to show you." He tells me as he drags me along through the house. I am powerless as his huge frame drags me along to wherever he is planning on going. "You have to see this movie. Have you seen it?" He asks as he holds up Superbad before my eyes.

"No... No, I haven't had time. And I don't have time right now." I whine as he places the dvd into my laptop and sits there with a smile on his face.

"Aw... Come on, Mer. You and I never get to spend time together anymore." He whines. I can tell that genuinely hurts him.

Okay, something is happening. My hard shell exterior seems to be melting, or dissolving or something. I have noticed this, and while I have tried to stop it in desperation, nothing has worked. I am softening up from a mixture of reasons. I know that this is going to get me hurt. Who on earth can walk around without a suit of armor on? I know people do it all the time, but those are different people. Those people aren't me.

I sit on the bed and watch the screen. Mark is right, I have not spent any time with him. I have been so distracted being a horn-dog that I haven't even noticed that he has grown an inch and he now has a very chiseled jawline set off by a nice shave job. He looked pretty good, and very grown up. I have to say, I am shocked. And I have to admit, I may be just a touch proud.

"This movie is so funny, Mer. I mean hilarious. I can't believe that you haven't seen it!" He says with a smile as he leans back and takes a sip of his soda. I take a note from him and lay back against the large stack of pillows.

"I live in a cave. My own little world." I tell him with a sigh. "School is sucking me down. I mean, I love it, but I'm freaking tired!"

"Are you sure you want to be a surgeon?" Mark asks plainly. I look at him in shock. It just now occurs to me that he is the first person that questioned my career choice. Meredith Grey is supposed to be a surgeon, period. No one told me I had any other choice. The truth is, I was born to cut, but having Mark say that, well, it is nice. He said it like I actually had a choice in the matter.

"Yeah. I mean- Yes, I want to be a surgeon. I really can't picture myself anywhere else." I admit with a smile as I look at the movie. "And we need to watch this- Oh my god, Mark." I say as I look up at the screen and start laughing. "This is so bad!"

"That is what makes it so good!" Mark tells me with a hearty laugh.

As I look over at Mark, I realize how much I miss him when he is gone. He is someone that I can talk to when I need to. He is always there and almost always open to whatever I say. He is the only one in the family that doesn't throw his judgement on you. I need to work to get back to this. I need to work on my relationship with him, taking time out just for him. Mark Sloan is an asset in my life that I cannot afford to lose.