Less than Lovers, More than Friends

Who's the Boss?

Okay... I have to admit. As I am walking out of this church, I am damn mad. I know that Derek was having the same thoughts as I was. I mean come on. A man cannot stick his ten and a half inch schlong inside of you and stand next to you like it is nothing, never thinking about it. I grumble as I walk out. They are looking at me. All of this church people, parishioners, I think... They are judging me. I shrug and hold my head high. I have the cock to go home to. What do they have?

Now I have a slight problem. In my angry rant, I realize that I have no keys. It's freezing out, and no keys for me. No way to get into the car. I refuse to go back in there. I walked out with my head high and I am not going back in with my head dropped. So I sit on the cement wall, which freezes your ass literally when you sit on it.

Apparently church on Christmas Eve is a big deal. I say this because there is now a line. There are people standing outside the door waiting to get in. I feel bad for the people that will be coming out. They are definitely going to be rushed by this happy mob of religious folk. The only advice I can offer is watch the canes. Not only do they make excellent beating sticks, but they off a means to trip someone. At least now, these people think I am also waiting also. They don't know the truth, that I have been banished.

So. I like hot guys. Who doesn't like hot guys? Me, I'm a clean cut kind of girl. And as I stand there, I see this fine piece of meat before me. There this hotness stands before me looking well, hot. Nice indigo stonewash jeans hanging on his hips. His black leather jacket looks amazing. And then you have the great shoes. The guy is hot. And if I were still looking in the fuck buddy business, I would be snatching him up. Alas, I have Derek.

So you remember that I have that knack for cock guessing. Well this guy, I fear he isn't too big. Not well endowed. He is tiny. I can just tell these things. You know how you go to the amusement ark and they have a guess your weight stand. Well, I'm going to get in on this action. It will be a guess the schlong size booth. I am the true winner here. See, I figured this out already. I will always guess small. I don't care about giving away the stuffed animals because I screwed up. See, they have to prove it. That means I would be looking at cock all day. How much better could it get? So that is me, schlong guesser. Oh how I long to guess the schlong.

"Hey..." Derek says softly as he rushes by. I was so far gone in my schlong guessing game I didn't even realize that I missed the rush excitement.

"I'm in deep shit, right?" I ask as I jump up and follow him to the car. They are behind. And I am afraid. Very afraid.

"You are fucked." Derek says frankly as we walk. "What the hell was wrong with you?" He asks as he shakes his head.

"I was thinking about cock." I say with a sigh as we near the car. I hear the sound of elephants, it must be Mark running up.

"Mer... Grandma is so pissed at you." Mark says with a chuckle. "You are so screwed."

"Yeah. I think we established that." I tell him with a frown. I care, but I don't care. I am hardcore. I am tough. That tiny nighty-eight pound woman doesn't scare me. Or so I say.

I say nothing as we climb in the car. I am on the shit list. I am so high on the shit list it is scary. The only ones that aren't mad at me are Mark and Derek. The others, as I shall call them, are ostracizing me. They are ignoring me and treating me like I no longer exist. Okay. So I laugh in church and now I am going straight to hell. Awesome.

"I don't see what the big deal is!" I say frankly as I look around. "Aunt Claire was singing so loud the whole place was looking. Or it could have been that they smelled the beer coming off of her. And Grandpa fell asleep the whole time. He hates this more than I do. And Grandma, don't think I didn't see your head go back. You people are so condescending!" I say loudly as I shake my head and roll my eyes. They ignore me. It's what they do. They act like I don't exist. "I made it worse, didn't I?" I ask Mark frankly as I looked over.