Less than Lovers, More than Friends

The Bar

As I stand in front of my mirror, I seriously wonder what I am doing. This is so stupid. This isn't me. I like to hang out at home and study. Maybe that is why I will make an excellent surgeon. I am perfectly happy having absolutely no social life. I could easily sit home every night with my laptop, my books and possibly some ice cream. But no, I have agree to go out. And why, no idea.

"Hello?" I ask as I answer my cellphone. It is Izzie. She is becoming quite annoying to me, but I have learned to deal with it. I am just sitting around waiting for the day when she gets crazy. Someday her happy smile will fade and she will snap into insanity.

"Hey, Mer... So I was thinking I will just pick you up. How does that sound?" Izzie asks with a giggle as she drives. I can hear the radio and the traffic in the background. She is on her way. Yay me.

"That's fine, Iz." I say quickly as I run the brush through my hair. This was a bad idea. Bad idea. I repeat, bad idea. I just shouldn't be going out. I should be studying. I should be doing something other than this. "When are you going to be here?"

"I should be there in about ten minutes." Izzie tells me quickly. I wonder if it is too late to back out. Oh well, I will just get this shit done and come home to my favorite chair and a warm blanket.

"Okay, Iz." I tell her with a frown. Okay, I fucked that up. "I guess I will see you in a few." I tell her with a sigh. I guess there isn't anything wrong with trying to have fun. But then again, I am not the fun loving type. I'm just me. That is all I know. Meredith Grey.

I look at myself in the mirror. I look okay. I don't really look at myself. I'm a bit beyond that. I am so much happier sinking into the background never to be noticed again. I am not that girl standing in the spotlight. I would rather hide behind someone in a crowd. So right now, I am out of my element, but I am forcing myself to deal with it. I look at my black boots coupled with my dark jeans. I look good. I think I might actually look pretty okay.

Oh yes... I almost forgot... I don't think Kevin is into the whole fuck and leave thing. And I'm actually okay with that. I mean some guys want commitment and some guys don't. Most girls want more than a roll around all night, sweaty fuck-fest. We both want different things, and I am not planning on changing my ways. I don't think he is. Hence, I am on my own.

"Hey..." I say as I open the passenger door of Izzie's car. I just want to stay home. Stay home... "So what exactly are we doing?"

"Oh... You know, the regular Friday night going out stuff." She tells me with a grin as she backs out of my driveway. Oh. How fucking great. Just you know, throwing Meredith into a crowd of people and asking her to be okay. Really freaking awesome. I have reasons for being the way I am. And I am not happy.

"Where are we going?" I ask. I want to know everything. Izzie laughs at me. She knows that I want to know everything. That is just my way. I need to know what it going on so that I can be prepared.

"Oh... Delany's." Izzie says with a smile. Delany's is a bar that is about forty minutes away from my house. So now not only am I out of my element, but I am way away from my safety zone. I know this sounds insane, but that is me. I tend to be a nervous Nellie.

"Why are we going there? I mean... What am I going to do? I'm not going to drink in front of a bunch of people that I don't know. I will do something stupid and... Not to mention, I am not old enough... Eh! Why did I come?" I say loudly. Now not only am I frustrated with her, I am frustrated with myself.

"Oh, Mer... You need to freaking relax. You are acting totally crazy. You are so uptight. You just need to have a few drinks, do some relaxing. You will be fine." She says with a smile.