OLD Campus Crush

10

"I... I have to go," I whispered, trying my best not to be awkward about it. I'd just been kissed by my friend.

My first kiss. Lucas was my first kiss.

"O-okay. You sure you don't wanna stay?"

"I'm sure," I quietly squeaked after I'd processed the fact that he just kissed me. And it seemed so casual to him-as if he always kissed his friends. As if kissing his friends was the norm, and no big deal.

Now I could only wonder what he did with Nash.

I shouldn't care. It was their business; I had nothing to do with it.

But I'd just been kissed.

For the first time. To be honest, I knew it would take longer to process it, but a part of me felt another feeling crashing into me all of a sudden.

It was something near delight-bordering flattery. That meant I was actually interesting enough to be kissed. The fact that someone would want to put their lips to mine meant I was attractive.

That felt good. A coat of red brushed over my cheeks for the millionth time, and my voice grew timidly quieter, to the point Lucas probably couldn't even hear me anymore. He looked at me, but I was sure he only saw my baby pink lips moving.

"See you later, Lucas," I whispered. I spun around, and as soon as I turned the handle, he called unto me.

"Casper, I want you to know..."

I paused.

He breathed. "I wanted you to know that even though I said I wish I could just go to bed and sleep forever, getting to see you and speak to you means a lot to me."

My blush burned hotter. I couldn't take too many compliments or I'd just burst into flames from them.

So how do I reply to that? I couldn't ignore him, not after just vowing that I'd always be there to listen or talk to him.

"I'm glad I met you," I admitted, because I was. The truth was good enough. I knew that Lucas was going to make my college life that much better. He was a good-natured young man, which was why losing him to something as cruel yet freeing as death would drill a hole in my heart.

I darted out of his room, quickly entering my own.

I was slapped with a scent that made my heart fleet, and I realized it was Nash's cologne.

"We didn't do anything, I swear," was the first thing he said to me once I shut the door. I peered over at his wide eyes, and I could tell that he thought I'd be angry with him.

For what? Whatever he did with Lucas was not my business to know. Why was he staring at me as if he was afraid that I would be offended or hurt?

"O-okay..." I mumbled.

He sighed. "Right, okay. Just thought I should... put that out there in case you were-"

"I'm not," I interrupted, not even sure what exactly he was going to say. Still, I wasn't jealous; I wasn't curious; I wasn't offended.

"Yeah." He nodded before running a few fingers through that silky, windswept hair of his. "I'm glad we talked last night. Well, I talked, but you listened. Still, you know now. Yeah, so... Whatever your response is, don't hesitate to be honest."

No. No, no, no.

I still didn't remember! I felt awful, and not only that, I felt like an idiot. How could I not remember the one moment that I shared with my roommate where he actually laid out his emotions on a golden platter and handed it to me? I must have been so drained and tired last night.

I didn't remember how I ended up in his arms either, when just a couple days ago, he was being rude and arrogant toward me.

Crap, maybe he already confessed why he was rude. He might have even apologized for it. If only I hadn't forgotten.

So what did he mean by my 'response'?

"It's gonna be difficult getting over him, but... I know it's gonna be okay now. I'll be okay because you're gonna be there for me." He smiled.

Had I made promises too?

"I'm here for you," I affirmed.

"Thank you," he looked pleased. "About Ava, I'm gonna tell her we're roommates. There's no point keeping that from her."

"Were you ashamed of her knowing?" I asked, not making eye contact as I sat down on my bed, facing him.

"No, it's just..." He let out a slow, patient breath. "In way, I guess I just thought I was too good to be seen around you. I don't think that now, I swear. But I realized this is college, and even though I'm on the football team here, not everyone is gonna know my name. Not everyone cares who I hang out with. I'm an ass for taking so long to know that."

"It's so different from high school, huh?" I understood.

"Remember when I snapped at you for thinking I was here on a football scholarship?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, well, everyone thinks that. No one believes that a guy who was popular in high school and the football captain could ever accomplish anything beyond that in college."

I didn't say anything in reply. He scratched his head, wanting to say more to me.

"Do you have another class today?"

"No, I've got all morning classes."

Nash smiled and averted his eyes. "Wanna grab dinner tonight?"

"With Ava and Lucas?" I asked, a little excited. I actually missed Ava, and Lucas could use the company.

"Um..." He sat up taller, a strange look in his eyes. "Sure, if you want."

Suddenly, he didn't seem so interested in his plan. I tilted my head, bringing my knees up toward my chest. "You meant just us, didn't you?"

"No, no. I'll invite Ava; you invite Lucas." He picked up his jacket and book bag. "I've got class," he mumbled before walking out of the room.

I squeezed my eyes shut, groaning silently as I buried my head between my knees. I screwed up, even when I didn't mean to.

I heard my phone ring and it was sad that I knew it couldn't be anyone other than my parents or little brother calling to check in on me.

I fell over, onto a lying position on my bed, ignoring the phone call. I wasn't okay, and I wasn't going to pretend that I was for my parents' or brother's sake.

I was not okay.

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