OLD Campus Crush

25

I was in a much better mood when I got back to my dorm room that evening. Despite the drama that I'd managed to become entangled in, I was happy to have spent the day with David. He'd given me his number so I could speak to him whenever I wanted, and I gave him mine.

I was folding some of my clothes over my bed, humming under my breath. It was surprising; I wasn't the type to sing.

I placed all my folded clothes in the drawer then I heard the door open. I turned around and saw Nash slowly enter.

Our entire room was filled with this oddness that he was emitting. His eyes has tears in them, his stance was unsure, and his breath was ragged.

The first thought that came to my mind was Trey; he must've said or done something.

Nash closed the door, swallowing. "Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered. It didn't sound like he was blaming me though, for whatever he was asking.

I just stood there, not speaking as a very guilty expression crossed his face.

"The party," he said. "What Lucas and I did."

I pressed my lips together, lowering my head. "You know?"

"Lucas just came back from work and told me as if it was his dream. But seeing as I basically had the same 'dream,' it must've been real." He stepped a bit closer. "Please tell me it isn't real. That I didn't have... sex with Lucas."

Suddenly I could picture it as if I was reliving that night. Their deep kiss for the crowd and their drunk-driven desire to go all the way in a restroom. How I had to separate them...

"It was real," I confirmed for him, not looking him in the eye. I didn't get to see his reaction but he didn't sound too happy about it. "I didn't think it really mattered before today. I just thought you and Lucas had a thing for each other, so..." I shrugged.

"But..." He took a breath, lowering himself onto his bed in disbelief. "I did that to you. Even if I was drunk, I'd think I'd have known better." He shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Casper. I don't even know what to say."

"So you really don't like Lucas?" I blinked, looking at him. He met my gaze sadly, but there was shock hidden in his stare.

"You already know how I feel about you, Cas... I shouldn't have hurt you like this."

But I didn't know how he felt about me. Well that was it then--the missing piece of the puzzle I'd abandoned the moment I fell for David. That was what I'd forgotten the night I slept in his arms: the way he felt about me.

"Don't apologize, Nash."

"I hurt you," he pointed out, standing back up.

"You did... for a moment it actually hurt but then... It went away."

"What're you saying?"

I stepped closer to him. "When you asked me for an answer, and I said yes... Nash, I didn't know what I was saying yes to." Involuntarily, tears came to my eyes because saying this was difficult to do. "I forgot everything you said to me the night I laid with you. I don't even know why; I wasn't drunk. And I should've just told you... I didn't wanna disappoint you." I slowly shrugged. "But I think I did anyway."

Nash stared at me forever and ever, it seemed. He took several breaths to speak, but no words ever came out of his mouth.

"You... you forgot? Everything?" I saw the hurt cross his eyes and I regretted looking into them. "Like everything?"

"I don't know why I did. Exhaustion maybe, but I just woke up in your arms without a clue to what happened."

He ran his fingers through his hair, taken by surprise at my words. I felt bad. This was exactly what I'd been avoiding: his disappointment. I thought I could play along so that he'd keep being nice to me. "You kept telling me you wanted an answer, but... to what?"