OLD Campus Crush

18

The elevator to my floor opened and I stepped out. The halls' lights had been dimmed as usual when it was night time, but I was sure people were still very much alive. College students loved staying up late, and it was only around nine.

I moved down the hallway and found my room, opening it. I sighed in relief when nobody was inside. I was too anxious to see Nash right now.

I sat down on my bed, my fingers running across my bottom lip. I could still feel my teacher's kiss, and it was almost soothing. I blew out a sigh and began to remove my clothes. My plan was just to go to bed and sleep the night away. My phone fell out of my pocket and I realized that I hadn't checked it all day. I sat back down in my boxers and grabbed my phone, unlocking it.

There were messages from my little brother, informing me about how he needed me to come back and help with chores and about our mom's annoying voice. It made me smile.

There were a couple messages from Lucas, expressing his concern about my 'sudden disappearance,' as he put it. He also mentioned that everything that happened today was a huge misunderstanding, but he didn't elaborate.

A part of me was actually hoping and expecting to see at least one message from Nash, but there were none. Then I realized he didn't even have my number.

The door swung open at that very moment, and a beautiful yet worried face stood before me. My roommate breathed out a sigh of relief before walking over and hugging my bare torso, totally catching me off guard.

"We were so worried about you," he said into my neck.

I was so frozen in time that I couldn't properly process his hug until he let me go.

"You're always so cooped up in here; kinda seemed off that you were gone the entire day," he chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "But you're back, so... that's all that matters."

I slowly put my phone down on my bed, my face heating up. It was a little intimidating that I was only in boxers and he was fully clothed.

"I feel like it was my fault," he continued to speak when he realized that I wasn't going to open my mouth any time soon. "You know, the whole thing with Trey... I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"It's fine," I lied, barely audible. My shyness seemed to have returned and I cursed myself for it.

"It's not fine. I didn't expect to just blurt out that confession to him, but I got so frustrated." His gray eyes burrowed into my blue ones. "I'm sorry."

I blinked and looked away. "Seriously, it's fine. I mean... it's none of my business anyway."

He started to say something but I cut him off by requesting to just go to sleep and forget about everything. I saw the confusion written across his face before he agreed.

He began to strip from his clothes, and I felt embarrassed. Ashamed, I turned away and laid down on my bed, facing the wall and closing my eyes so I wouldn't intrude his privacy. He switched off the light and climbed in bed, and silence fell between us.

But then he broke it, and I honestly saw that coming. I just didn't expect his next few words.

"Wanna stay in my bed?"

My eyes peeled open as I doubted that I heard that question correctly.

"We don't know each other. I thought maybe we could play 21 questions?"

I faced him, though I couldn't see in the dark just yet. "That's... awfully random," I whispered, my mind still in slight shock. I couldn't just get into his bed.

"I know," he quietly laughed. "But I want to know you. I was awful to you when we met. I was so hurt by my break up, so I lashed out. I just want to give you a better impression of me-a real one."

I considered that for a few seconds before sliding out of my bed. Blindly, I walked over to his bed and laid next to him, pulling the sheets over my body. His scent wafted up to me, so prevalent that I thought I was drinking it.

I prayed for moonlight, so that I could see an outline of his face. I just relied on my eyes instead, waiting for them to adjust to the damned darkness.

"You go first," I told him. I thought he smiled, but I couldn't be too sure.

"Why's your hair white?"

"You don't like it?" I queried.

"No, no, it looks great. On you." He chuckled awkwardly. "It's perfect. What's the story behind this one?"

"Oh," I relaxed. "My brother thought it would match my name. You know, Casper the ghost."

"Right. Okay. Your turn."

"Have you ever considered modeling?" I had to ask it.

"No. Should I?"

"Yeah!" I smiled. "Your Instagram pictures are really, um... they're good."

"Thanks, Cas."

"Why do you call me that?"

"No, you gotta wait your turn." I saw him wink at me through the dark, and I blushed.

"In my obvious rudeness, which I apologize for, I asked if you were gay. You said no. My question is, did you lie?"

I paused for a few moments. "I lied. The truth is that I don't know. Or maybe I just don't care."

He drew in a breath to speak, but as before, I quickly cut him off. "No, wait. It's my turn. I said no, then you said that you would've gotten a new roommate if I were gay. Why'd you say that?"

He sighed. "In that moment, I just couldn't deal with it."

"With what?" I wondered.

"It's my turn-"

"With what?" I persisted, staring him down the best I could in the black of night. I figured my little fire was coming from the fact that I just needed to know the answer to that.

"My entire life, I've blamed other people for the fact that I'm attracted to boys. I honestly believed that I wasn't until my first crush and my first kiss. I said that to you because I was being stereotypical: that maybe all gays were an influence or something."

"What changed that?"

"Just being able to push Trey away. He's been my burden for a long time."

I nodded. "Your turn."

"Okay. When are you going to give me an answer? Because... I'm not-so-secretly dying over here," he laughed to himself. "Yes or no?"

My heart sped up. That question again. The one that I forgot all of the details to the first time I slept in his arms. I still couldn't remember. I decided to just come clean, and let him know the truth.

Except it never came out. "... yes?" I unsurely answered the question I didn't know. God I'm an idiot.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god, really?" He seemed excited, so that was a good thing.

Right?

"Really," I confirmed.

"That's just-wow. Thank you."

I wished I knew what he was thankful for.

"I should go back to bed. Good night, Nash."

"Oh. Good night, Cas."

I climbed out of his bed and into my own. As I got comfortable, I couldn't help but notice he would sleep happily tonight and I would be here drowning in nothing but oblivion.

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