OLD Campus Crush

22

I didn't want to wake up the next day. I didn't have the strength to.

I didn't want anyone to call me or text me or look for me. I just wanted to be invisible today.

So I did the only thing I could think of: I stayed in bed, reading stories and studying. I didn't bother going to get food because my appetite decided to fly out of the window today.

But of course it would. The boy I had a crush on had sex with my friend, and I was left to take care of them.

Maybe it was partially my fault. I was the one who told Lucas that if he really liked Nash, he shouldn't let me get in the way, and he assured that I wasn't the one holding him back.

Well, he proved that assurance last night. He did what I'd never have the guts to do, and yes, that angered me. Because that could've been me. Obviously, I'd never have sex with someone inside of a restroom while drowned in alcohol.

I let the night crawl by before the loneliness kicked in harder than it had in all my 18 years. Well, that was an exaggeration; I'd had lonelier days in high school. But I would rather be lonely than have to face Nash and Lucas right now. It was too bad that wish didn't come true.

"Still in bed?"

I closed my eyes in disappointment when I heard Nash's voice near me. I knew I had to speak to him sooner or later.

I opened my eyes and turned toward him, not saying a word.

"Are you feelin alright? You didn't drink, did you? Because, man, the hangover I had this morning..." he shook his head. Clearly, he was trying to lighten the mood in the room but that wasn't happening anytime soon.

He sat down on his bed with a sigh. "Thanks for getting everyone back home. Lucas's roommate said he was a mess. I'm sure I was too, wasn't I? Hell, I can't even remember a thing."

My throat clenched. He couldn't remember a thing.

Awesome. Now it was up to me to tell him he parked himself in Lucas's garage last night. It was going to be tough to say considering my agonizing awkwardness.

"I remember dancing though," he laughed. "Please tell me I didn't do something crazy."

I slowly held my book back up to my face. "Define crazy," I said in a quiet voice.

"What's up with you, Cas? You haven't eaten all day. I can bring you some food."

"Nash, I just wanna read." He got my hint and gave me my space. I knew that it was time to squash whatever feelings I had for him. Honestly, I didn't think it would be hard.

I liked Nash because he was easy to look at. His eyes were charming and intense, and his body was a piece of art. His entire Instagram account is a testament to that.

But I didn't know him. If someone asked me to describe his personality... I couldn't. So why attach myself to a person I didn't know? Someone I just couldn't understand.

Maybe that was the problem with me too. He didn't know me either so I couldn't expect him to like me. If I were better at communicating, I might've had a chance, but Lucas was everything I wasn't. He could speak his mind. He had more substance. Whatever I felt for Nash wasn't anything close to love. It was only attraction, and soon it would fade.

*

I didn't sit next to Ava in class on Monday. I didn't sit in the front where David could easily see me. With nearly seventy students in this class, I was sure he couldn't spot me.

But then I remembered my white hair and I cursed in my head. I shouldn't have taken my little brother's advice.

We started our tests, and I knew most of the questions. Some students were quick to take it and leave, but I decided to take my time so I could be one of the last few students left in class. There were just three of us students, and I impatiently waited for them to turn in their exams and leave.