OLD Campus Crush

15

Cringe Warning/ You will cringe in this chapter. You'll know when. You'll feel it deep in your bones, slithering up your spine like a serpent. It'll burst within you like a hive of bees. It'll whisper in your ear like the devil herself. That's right; if God's a woman so is Luciferiana. You've been warned.

*

Office 336.

The door was wide open, waiting to suck me inside. I could see my teacher shuffling through papers and I hesitated. He looked up to see me at his door, and that perfect smile slipped onto his face. "You're free to enter," his deep voice permitted.

I carefully entered the office and took a seat at his desk.

"Are you okay? You were crying when we spoke."

I'd managed to pull myself together on the way here but I was sure that my eyes were still red and puffy.

"No, I'm not okay," I honestly informed.

"If you'd like to talk about it, I'll listen and offer my advice. Or just listen."

"It's um..." I sighed. "Tell me about the research."

"Alright." He pulled two sheets of paper from an organizer on his desk. He stapled them and slid them to my end. "Casper, to do this, you have to be in the right state of mind. Focused. It's a research project, and I understand you may be busy plus you've got a personal life-"

"I don't have a personal life, so..."

He nodded slowly then leaned in just little. "Remember what I said. If you ever need help, I'm right here. You can talk to me."

I was quiet for a few moments, staring at the papers on his table. I took off my backpack so I could be more comfortable in the seat. I pulled the chair closer to his desk and propped my elbows on it. "I was always the kid that no one wanted to be friends with because I'm weird and..." I looked at him to see if I'd bored him already, but he was listening intently. It almost took me by surprise. "At my high school, people wanted to be actors, singers, football players, cheerleaders. In fact, other students graduated and they're taking a year to travel the world with their parents' money. They want to be famous, and I was the only one that didn't want that. I was the only person I knew who wanted to be a surgeon. I was the only one who wanted to dedicate my time to other people, saving lives, finding the cure for cancer, Alzheimer's, or AIDS-and just be greatness. And when I told them that, they looked at me like I was alien. Because they knew I didn't have what it took. I can't even speak up clearly or persuade... I can't do anything."

"You can," he softly opposed. "You absolutely can. Nothing about you needs to change, Casper. Listen, compared to those other kids, I would say you'll come out the most successful. You know what you want, and it's reasonable. It's honorable. The only person who can stop you now is yourself. Let them look at you like you're alien now; that's fine. Because one day, when you find these cures, those kids that made fun of you might benefit from them. And they'll see your name on them."

I blinked at him and nodded. "You really think I'll be a good surgeon one day?" I could've predicted my inevitable blush that appeared at the mere thought of him complimenting me.

"I do. You're definitely on your way."

I smiled, brighter than I'd ever had. "That felt... amazing. I just... Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" His expression admitted confusion, which I could understand. So, I elaborated.

"Me. Did you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"Exactly. That's never happened before, and it felt amazing. I've never said so much at one time; I've never spoken so audibly. And I said exactly what I wanted to say without stumbling over my words. See? I'm doing it again." My eyes were wide with excitement as I slowly discovered this rush of confidence. It was like a high; I was being enlightened. And it felt great.