OLD Campus Crush

11

"I'm so not ready to put on 15 pounds this semester," Ava whined as she scooped a shit load of mashed potatoes onto her plate. I watched as she drenched it in gravy and licked her lips. "But I mean, not that I mind. I mean, look at this right?"

I smiled, taking some mashed potatoes for myself. "Right," I softly agreed.

"I wanna know why Nash pretended he didn't know you yesterday. What was that about?" She ditched the green beans and looked around for more food to add onto her plate.

"Oh, uh... Well, he had this thing where he didn't want to be seen with me."

Her eyebrows rose. "Omg, really? Way to go, Nash." She pouted at me. "This breakup has hit him pretty hard. I wish I knew the details, but he'll never tell me."

I felt awful all over again because I knew the details and forgot them. I knew I had to come clean and just admit to Nash that I'd been too drowsy to remember what he had told me last night. Besides, I wanted to know exactly how I ended up entangled in his arms.

Excuse me while I took the time to process that once more. I was in my roommate's arms.

Nope, it would never sink in.

I sighed. "I wish I knew the details, too," I agreed. Would he hate me for forgetting? He'd never want to share any more secrets with me ever again.

I... I sort of liked him. He looked like a god, and beyond the looks, there was substance to his character. He'd been broken before. He'd felt something close to love before. He'd experienced happiness once or twice. He cried; he smiled; he laughed. He had secrets. I knew there was more to this jock as soon as I noticed pain in his eyes for the first time.

"You okay?" Ava asked, a comforting smile on her face. "Whatever Nash said to you, I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"What? Oh, no, he's nice to me. Now at least."

"Good. Let's go sit down."

I followed her to the table where Lucas and Nash were sitting, already eating their food.

"So, someone has a football game coming up soon." Ava nudged my roommate's elbow.

"Oh, right." He nodded. "You gonna be there?"

"Of course, silly! We'll all be there, right guys?" Ava winked at Lucas and me.

Lucas immediately held his temples and closed his eyes. "All I can think of are hot guys in tights. I'm so there. I don't care what day it is, I'm there."

"It's next Saturday. The first game of the season," Nash informed before looking at me. "You'll come too right?"

I glanced at my plate and nodded once. "Yeah, sure." I averted my eyes. Alright, this was officially way too much for me.

As much as I appreciated him caring enough to include me, this was strange. When did he start caring so much? I mean, when I walked in on him and Lucas cuddling, why did he feel the need to explain it or apologize for it? When did he start giving a crap about how I felt?

I needed to know what was going on.

"I've never been to a football game," I admitted in my quiet voice. Again, I swore they only saw my lips moving, but Lucas heard everything.

"Not one? Not ever? Not even to stare at the guys' bubble butts?"

"Sweetheart, we've gotta enlighten you!" Ava decided. "Sure, none of them are as hot as Dr. Larsen, but they're up there. I mean, look at Nash!"

Nash's eyebrows furrowed. "Who's Dr. Larsen?"

"He is fine. He's the Oxford definition of perfection." Lucas admitted, cutting into his large piece of chicken. "Truly, that's all you need to know."

"He's a psych professor," I explained to my roommate, who looked like he was being excluded. "And yeah, he's... really good looking." My cheeks burned light pink as I conceded that. Nash gazed at me for two steady seconds before suddenly finding interest in his phone.

"Aw, someone has a schoolgirl crush," Lucas teased me.

"Shut up, Lucas," I mumbled, stuffing my mouth with mashed potatoes and looking elsewhere. I could not believe I'd said that out loud. I didn't even have a particular sexual orientation; I sort of just went with the flow. Besides, it wasn't as if I had past experiences with anyone. I was forever alone.

Okay, I couldn't forget the fact that I literally had my first kiss with Lucas this afternoon. Funny, he kissed me and it didn't feel like he liked me more than a friend. It just seemed like something Lucas would do-kiss someone so casually, feelings involved or not.

"We need to take Casper out more. You need to put yourself out there. I mean, you're actually really hot," Lucas complimented. "I've seen some boys staring at you and some girls trying to catch your attention."

I blushed. "Me?" I asked for clarification.

"You," he confirmed. "Remember the LGBT meeting? Some girls were winking at you and you didn't even notice them. And that guy that pulled your seat out for you? He totally wanted your number; it was obvious."

"I'm gonna get a second plate, guys," Nash said, standing up with his phone. He didn't make eye contact with any of us as he walked off, so we instantly knew something was up.

"Lucas," Ava whisper-yelled. "Nash just went through a bad break up! Try not to talk about hot guys."

"Geez, I'm sorry I brought it up," Lucas sarcastically responded, reminding her that she brought up Dr. Larsen's handsomeness in the first place.

Ava sighed, leaning back in her chair. "I knew his boyfriend, but even he stopped contacting me."

"Wait, so you know what happened before they broke up, but not why they broke up?" I asked. "When did you meet Nash, anyway?"

"We went to the same high school. He was such a jock," Ava giggled.

"Was he open though? Nash?" I wondered.

"No. He honestly doesn't believe in the idea of coming out. He thinks that a person's sexuality doesn't have to be announced. But people did know about his relationship. Like, both of them played football."

"I wonder if he's texting his ex right now," Lucas said.

We watched as Nash ducked behind a tall, indoor plant. He was staring at his phone before he began to type into it.

"Something's wrong," I realized. I could just feel it. Nash seemed uneasy and unlike himself. Of course, he was too wishy washy for me to know the way he acted on a daily basis.

"Of course something's wrong," Ava agreed. "All I know is that his boyfriend, Trey, went MIA out of nowhere."

"I swore he was talking to someone that I assumed to be his girlfriend because he called her babe--before I learned he was dating a guy. It was a just day before school started."

Ava grinned. "That...yeah, that was probably me. He hardly talks to anyone but me anymore. Trey's absence is killing him."

With a guarded expression, Nash returned to his seat. He slid his phone into his pocket and we looked at him.

"Where's that second plate you went to grab?" Lucas asked. I nudged him.

"You ok?" Ava queried.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He sent her a reassuring smile, but we saw right through it.

Yeah, something was definitely wrong, and I feared it had something to do with Trey.