Her Breaking Point

Chapter 25: Her Mother

I tapped my fingers on the plastic railing of my bed nervously. "I'm not ready to see her can't you just I don't know send her home?" I asked Paul as he sat in the chair across from my bed.

"You need closure Bumblebee" I sighed. A part of me knew he was right. "If you can try to forgive her" I scoffed at his words. Forgiveness isn't easy. Staying angry is easier. I sighed and nodded.

"Send her in. But I want to be alone with her" they nodded and left the room. Easton stood by my bed looking at me.

"Sometimes talking about it, can help you heal. Before my parents split my sister was molested by her piano teacher. It eventually broke our family apart. My mom blamed my dad and he blamed her. But that's why I'm so good at dealing with your flashbacks. My sister had terrible flashbacks. After he was sent to jail we never really talked about it. Typical fashion of my family. Don't talk about it. It didn't happen. But it did happen. We talked about it. Nina talked about it. And in a way it helped her heal. You don't have to forgive her, love. But just hear what she has to say and go from there" he was cut off by a knock at the door. He lightly kissed my head and exited the room.

"Hello?" A woman's melodic voice entered the room. Her hair was black like mine. But her eyes were green. I always wondered what my father looked like. Her wedding ring glinted in the sun as she turned it nervously. She was skinny and stood at about 5'6. Her eyes had crows feet and she has smile lines. A selfish part of me wanted to point them out and say. 'Were you smiling when I was crying out for you?'. But I bit back my harsh words.

"Hi" I whispered. I adjusted myself with the uncomfortable blanket and took in a deep breath.

"You look so.."

"Terrible yes I know, Paul gave me a mirror" I mumbled more to myself than her. I looked away from her to try and assuage the awkwardness.

"I was going to say grown up" I snapped my eyes to her in an instant. "I met Charles when I was young. He was the bad boy type and I had just broken up with your father a few years prior. Paul was only god, 3? 4? At the time. A year or two later after dating Charles for a while I ran into your father once again. A cop, it boggled my mind to think Steven had followed in his fathers footsteps. Things clicked and a month or two later I was pregnant with you. Charles wasn't a bad man then. Or maybe he was and I just didn't see it. He found out about Steven and I and he became furious. At first he was angry. He left for a few months but suggested couples therapy. A few months after you were born. Steven reached out again. Found out I'd been pregnant and that I even had another kid. His kid. I tried to lie and say you were Charles's but he knew I was lying.

Charles heard the conversation and started...hitting me shortly after. And then you were 5 then 7. And then you reached 13. Paul left for college, and I knew I had to get out. When I made the plans of going to the movies I was going to tell you to pack a bag for your aunts. But Charles acted like he knew something was up. So I bought a fake pot to give back to your aunt and told him that I'd borrowed it. Once I was out I was going to come get you at school. But when I came back a few months later I saw you playing with a young boy and you looked so happy. Charles was smiling and he had some friends over. So I waited. Came back a year later and you were laughing and joking with one of Charles's friends. The one with the tattoos. It seemed like you were happy without me. And like Charles had been a good father. So I left moved to Florida where I reconnected with your brother. I was with him when he found out the fake news of your death. I never imagined that-"

"That it was all fake? The young boy you saw me playing with was the son of a friend of Charles named Jay. Jay liked it when I was still. When I didn't speak. He wanted me to marry his son. Was planning on buying me from Charles. But he wasn't the man who took my virginity. No I owe that all to Cain. Or who you call the man with the tattoos. The laughing and joking you saw was for face value. On the inside I was scared. Because under the table Charles had a knife against my stomach. About an hour after that I was dragged into the basement and raped for the first time.

I cried out for you. I cried out for you every time. Until I realized you weren't coming. I was so sure you were coming back. The day you left I waited on the porch all night. At first I was angry that you missed picking me up. The second day I was worried on why you didn't come home. A week later I realized why you left after my father slapped me for the first time. But he wasn't my father, he made sure to tell me who my real father was. How you left because you didn't love me anymore. I thought. There is no way that's true.

Mommy loves me right? Day by day year by year I lost whatever hope I had that mommy still loved me. I was so sure you were coming back so sure...until I wasn't. And now after everything that's happened. I'm looking at you and I'm trying to forgive you. I want to...but I can't. I'm not ready. I look at you and I don't feel anger anymore not like I used to. But I don't really feel anything. I'm sorry this isn't the mother daughter reunion you were hoping for. But it's been a long time since I've called out for my mommy. I am sorry for the things you went through. No one should have to go through that. But I can't forgive you. I'm sorry" a tear slid down my cheek at my confession. I wanted to. I wanted to forgive her and feel her hug me. Tell me it was going to be alright. But I can't.

I'm not ready. Maybe some day. But not now.

She nodded and stood up. She wiped the tears from her face and headed to the door.

"For what it's worth...I am sorry Haven" she whispered.

"Me too" I choked out. With the click of the door I allowed myself to break down. Crying was something I always hated. Easton came into the room. Easton didn't hesitate to get into the bed with me and hold me.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't do it, I tried but I can't" I sobbed. My heart broke into two. The Pain from it all. Charles, Cain, my mother. It all left me so broken and torn. One by one each of them pushed me to my breaking point in their own way.

"I'm tired of being broken" I whispered.

"Its okay to be broken Haven"

"How is that okay?"

He sighed and rubbed my arm with soothing circles. "You're a fighter. You will put yourself back together and you will come out of this"

"I don't even know how" I whispered.

"Don't worry I'll teach you"

"Promise?"

"Promise" he assured me and kissed my head.

"I love you" I whispered and he looked at me. So much emotion held in his eyes. He leaned in and kissed me tenderly.

"I love you too... My Haven...my strong Haven" I closed my eyes and cried silently as Easton held me.

When I'm done crying I will get up and I will fight I will get past this and with Easton here with me I know I will win.