Before today, everything has been fine and calm. You have mainly been with Eren in that time, and it's becoming unhealthy at this point.
You feel yourself growing mad.
Every time you come home, you just think to yourself and ask why you're even doing this. And then you try talking yourself into going home, just abandoning the mission.
The decision you made in sleeping with Eren to get closer to him, has worked. But you can't find the strength to stop.
You also ask yourself why you're still allowing your feelings to get in the way of all of this. Just be strong and pull away from it.
With Porco, you've done well in acting cold toward him. Mainly because you've realized over time, that he likes you. So pushing those feelings aside has helped you.
Getting attached to people is not something you do. Not after your sister.
The door opens, revealing Barrett. "What's wrong with you?" He asks, shutting the door behind him.
He is the only one who has changed. You wonder what has kept him in this game for so long.
"Nothing you need to worry about." You stand from the table, pushing the chair in while he looks at you.
Barrett grabs onto a chair, staring directly at you. It bothers you, so you stare right back at him.
"I think it's funny that you're the head of this mission we're supposed to be on, yet here you are. Still contemplating your feelings for that worthless eldian." He shakes his head and begins to laugh.
You sit and think, your eyes never leaving his.
Raising your fist, he doesn't even have time to flinch, your hand connects to the middle of his face. Barrett stumbles back, holding onto his gushing nose.
"Don't act like you know me." You say, shaking your hand.
He looks up at you, leaning down against the table. "I can't believe you really thought you could do it. It's always the weak. You're vulnerable. The plan could have worked if you had just contained yourself from falling in love with it. It's pathetic really. An Eldian and Marleyan...shitty romance. The worst part of it all is that it's obvious he's in love with you!" He's laughing all over it, blood covering the bottom half of his face.
Instead of your fist this time, you kick him. There was a lot more power behind that kick compared to the punch. You then notice one of his teeth lying on the floor next to him as he falls, bloodied.
You just keep kicking him. Each kick gets worse. You don't even feel bad. Why should you?
He tries to use his hands to block the kicks, but you break through them each time. Barrett is getting weaker.
His hands move down to hold onto his stomach as you switch your aim, coughing up blood. He's not going to beg you to stop, so you just keep going.
At this point, you'll end up killing him. Maybe one of your kicks will hit him in the right spot, and it ruptures something from within and then kills him. Wouldn't that just be lovely?
With one last kick, you end up walking away. "I told you I'd put a knife in the base of your school. Remember that?"
Barrett says nothing.
You start walking around, pulling out your knife.
He's not going to show fear, and that's okay. Leaning down to his level, he looks into your eyes calmly. His eye is red and there is blood coming out of his nose and mouth.
You place the very tip of the knife at the top of his head and get ready to push it in when Nicolo comes in and sees you. "Stop!"
Standing, you put the knife back and just leave without saying anything.
-
You're in the room, pacing back and forth.
Get it over with, the voice keeps repeating in your head. A frown appears on your face and you grab hold of your head.
"I believe in you." Pieck's smile appears in your mind, making a tear slip down your cheek.
"I won't let you down." Those words you said to Reiner that day.
You calm down after a moment and you finally make your final decision. You are going to end this.
Nicolo is sitting in the living room, his eyes laying on you worriedly.
"Pack your things..." You tell him, looking around the house for a pencil.
He's lost. "What are you talking about?"
You're frantically looking for a pencil everywhere, and when you don't answer, Nicolo walks over and grabs you by the shoulders. "What's going on with you?"
You're taken aback at first, but then you push away from him. "I'm fine. I'm killing Eren tonight. We have to be ready to go right after I do it."
His eyes widen at your words. "W-what?" His facial expression changes from shock to anger, and he grabs you yet again. "I thought you didn't want to do this anymore. We might be traitors, but we have both learned so much here. Things we would have never known without being here. The truth. You know just as much as I do, that if you go through with this and we go back home, you'll regret it. You love him."
"You love Sasha." Is all you know to say to him.
"Don't do this. We can stay here. These people...we've grown so close to them. And the shit you pulled earlier with Barrett...you can't let him get into your head." Nicolo is doing everything he can to talk you out of your sudden decision.
It seems nothing is working. You try not to think of your selfish feelings. Instead, you attempt to replace the thought with the real reason you're here.
Backing away from Nicolo, you look away. "I'm sorry, Nicolo. Pack your things."
-
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