Emison: Home

Chapter 45: My Garden of Eden

Alison's POV

"So, Alison, how are things? How was your winter break?" my therapist, Dr Crane asked. When it became clear both Em and I would see a therapist, Dr Sullivan recommended we don't see the same one as it could complicate our individual journeys. So we agreed that as Em had already started to work with her, I would see the only other therapist in the town.

"Good - scrap that - great, actually!" I beamed

"How come?"

"Well, Emily and I finally got back together. For real this time" I explained

"Oh really? Last time we saw each other in early December you had just come back from visiting your sister in New York and enjoying being single. What changed?"

"The simple answer?"

"If that's what you feel like sharing" he motioned

"I love her, always have, always will" I shrugged

"We knew that already though" he commented "What's the long answer?"

I thought about it for a second and let out a sigh as I tried to make sense of my thoughts "I just wanted her. I was sick of waiting. I was sick of not allowing myself that happiness. I was sick of being scared to take the leap. I was sick of lying to myself, lying to her."

"Lying about what?"

"About who I was, as though I could be Alison Lauren DiLaurentis without her. About how I couldn't live without her. About the fact that no one has ever made me feel the way she does. That I can't imagine a better feeling than knowing she loves me just as much, if not somehow more than, I love her." I clarified

He took some notes and, as usual, I tried to see if I could decipher what he was writing down from the seat two meters across from me, upside down. As usual, no clue what was so worth him writing in what he said. I hated that "Well Alison, whilst I'm happy to hear this. I'm worried I've heard some co-dependent language in your reasoning" I was about to interject but he raised his hand to stop me "I don't mean that as a bad thing necessarily. I'm just aware that that was one of the reasons both you and Emily sought out help in the first place and I'm aware of the progress you had been making in the last few months. I just want to make sure we don't lose sight of that. So tell me, how have you and Emily been handling your new relationship?"

"Well, I think we've been quite good?" I offered, unsure of myself. I don't know why but therapy always makes me second guess every little thing in my life "We got together at midnight on New Years" I smiled, remembering how I told her I wanted us to be together before kissing her "and then we spent a couple days together, honeymooning at my house before we went back to work"

"At the high school, right?" I nodded to his question "And Emily works there too?"

"Yeah, she does. She was there a lot this week but she's got classes starting again at Hollis from Monday so she won't be there as frequently. But we were good, we had lunches with our colleagues and we spent time with friends outside school, apart and together. We agreed that, on weekends, she would stay over at mine."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"I think we've found the right balance. I miss her of course when she's not there but not in a way that is worrying where she is or who she is with. I trust her. I just miss her in the sense that I love her so much and she's my person" I blushed stupidly at how sappy I was being in front of my therapist.

The session continued for another forty-five minutes. We spoke a little bit more about my winter break and how Emily and I were setting boundaries in this relationship. As therapists do, he very quickly turned it into a psycho-analysis about my parents and how I was compensating for not feeling loved at a young age but also using it to explain my fear of the feeling itself, which wasn't news in my case. Everyone in town vaguely knew how fucked up things had been within my family for the first 17 years of my life... When the timer finally went off, I was glad to run out and leave those traumatic moments and emotions in that file cabinet in his office, locked away, only to be opened and dealt with in presence of a professional or Emily. As I walked out the door, I smiled seeing Emily sitting in the waiting room.