Emison: Home

Chapter 32: Not Until You Know

Alison's POV

The entire drive to school I was thinking of how I was going tell Emily what had happened yesterday. I didn't want to start this new relationship with anything but honesty. I had to tell her about the kiss and more importantly how I felt about it.

The problem is I'm not really sure how I feel about it. We had such a great time and it was like he and I were 18 again and only just started dating, when it was all new and exciting. And the kiss, it was so soft and gentle. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't feel anything near what I feel when I'm with Emily but I'm obviously not done with Elliot yet. Was it worth telling her that? Was it worth risking this incredible thing we had started together just because I still wasn't completely over my ex-fiancé?

As I pulled up in the parking lot, I noticed Emily's bicycle was locked up. She had started cycling to work recently because she realised that a PE teacher in fact doesn't actually do any PE and she needed to exercise a little everyday somehow. I liked it. It's silly but it made me feel like a teenager swooning over her bae. Seeing her walk in with her helmet strapped to her backpack as she glided her hand through her hair, putting it back into place, the slight shimmer of sweat on her forehead, the killer smile she'd pull when she saw me gawking at her when she walked in. It just really worked for me, you know.

I walked into the teacher's lounge and scanned the room for Emily. When I spotted her she was already looking at me and smiling.

"Hey" I greeted her nervously as I walked over

"Good morning gorgeous" she kissed my cheek sweetly

Ugh I can't believe I'm doing this "Can we um go outside? I need to talk to you"

"Um yeah sure" she furrows her brows and follows me out into the deserted quad. I take a deep breath and gather myself before facing her "What is it Ali?"

"Ok, before I say anything, I need to know that you won't say anything until I'm done, until you've heard everything I had to say?"

"Um ok yeah sure" she looks at me confused

"Ok" I close my eyes and took a seat on one of the benches. I pat the spot next to me, inviting Emily to join me. Ok this is it. Honesty is the best policy right? "So you know that yesterday I saw Elliot at the Brew to get my stuff back right?" she nods slowly, her stare already suspicious. Oh fuck, I forgot how hard it was to tell her these things. "When we were done, we were having such a nice time and he walked me home so we could keep catching up. And we were talking about the wedding and what happened and my decision." I grab her hands in mine and squeez them "about you being my decision. And I felt bad for him and we had had such a nice time and I guess I hadn't realised I hadn't really had closure and I hugged him and when I pulled away..." I notice her jaw tense and she takes her hands out of mine, knowing full well what I'm about to say. I look down in my lap and compose myself "he kissed me" I paused before looking back up at her biting my lip "and I didn't push away immediately. I kissed him back for a minute." she starts to open her mouth but I put my hand up "I'm not done." Concern invaded her face and I knew what she was thinking "Before you panic, no, I didn't sleep with him and I am not going back to him" I can see her relax a little but her muscles were still tense "But" I take a deep breath "in the interest of us starting this relationship on the best possible footing and so being honest, yesterday, made me realise I am not completely over him yet. There are still feelings there, as much as I wish there weren't. But I can't stop loving him completely in one go. Up until a few months ago when you came back into my life, he was my whole world and I had planned a future with him." she stares at me blankly before getting up and standing with her back facing me. She runs a hand through her hair and hangs her head before sighing and turning around