Emison: Home

Chapter 19: It's All About Me

Emily's POV

''Pick up... Pick up...'' I mutter to myself as the other end of the line rings on

'' Em! Hey buddy, was just thinking of you! How is the first day going?'' the blond immediately asks

'' Hey Quinn, that's why I'm calling actually...'' I pause and take a deep breath '' She came back.''

'' What? I mean I can't say I'm surprised... She does have a job and probably needs money...''

'' Yeah it makes sense but I just also wasn't expecting it and I thought she might take more time off and that she'd left to be somewhere else and I- ''

'' Em! Breathe!'' Quinn interrupts me mid-ramble '' All good?''

'' Uh huh yeah yeah'' I say quickly running a hand over my face and through my hair

'' Ok, now have you guys spoken at all?''

'' No''

'' Ok, try to talk to her maybe...''

I start pacing in the school corridor, looking down at the floor '' I know, but what am I even meant to say? 'Hey Ali, I know I stopped your wedding but I am madly in love with you and I couldn't stop myself and I've gotten my life together just for you and I'll do anythi-' ''

'' EM! BREATHE!'' I exhale loudly and she answers me '' You have a normal conversation with her. You ask her how she feels about class, try to see if she will chat about where she's been for a month, and just rekindle a relationship with her slowly. There is no point in telling her you've changed, at this point, she won't believe you. You need to show her.''

''Ok you're right. I need to show her I'm not a self-obsessed arsehole anymore.''

'' And how do you plan on doing that?'' I look up to see the most attractive girl ever standing in front of me

''Shit! I need to go Quinn, talk soon. Love ya!''

'' Oh-Um-Ali-Hi'' I stutter like a fool

'' Nervous, are we?'' she chuckles

'' Uh yeah I guess...'' I laugh with her '' Feels like I'm 17 again! The big return of the Alison DiLaurentis to Rosewood High'' I attempt a joke

'' Yeah I guess'' she brushes a strand of hair out of her face. God she is beautiful... She's tanned, must have gone somewhere nice, I suppose

'' So what have you been up to?'' I ask

'' Can't tell you that.'' she winks '' Where will I go next time if I need to run away for a third time?'' she smiles at me playfully

'' Fair enough'' I look down at the ground, feeling like a teenager again. She seemed to have regained some of her pre-A confidence about her but not in a mean way. More in a 'I'm all I need away'. And I liked it. It was hot. It was empowering. It made me fall for her more. '' I missed you, you know'' I try, giving her my best puppy dog eyes. She stares into my eyes and I feel slightly uncomfortable as her face becomes unreadable and I have no idea what she might respond.

'' I know. My parents told me you came by a lot and I saw all your messages of course.'' She nods her head awkwardly pulling a bit of a grimace. '' I missed you too Em. Sometimes, all I wanted was to be with you and talk and laugh like we used to.'' I smiled at her, hopeful at what was coming next. '' But,'' fuck me '' most times, I was happy to be on my own again. I have spent the last 6 years in relationships. When I came back from A, I immediately tried to model myself in to the girl you wanted me to be-''

'' Hey!'' I interrupt

'' Let me finish. The girl you want me to be and then I became her, this loving, vulnerable girlfriend who always needed a hero. And I am thankful to you for that, for teaching me compassion, respect, love and loyalty. But when we broke up, I stayed like that and Elliot was the one who saved me. I lost the thing that made me, well, me! I lost the flare, the confidence, the charm I had that followed me everywhere. And this time away, where I've been completely alone and independent, it's helped me remember that side of myself and I need to keep working on it''

I couldn't believe it... Was Alison Di Laurentis really pulling the 'I need to find myself' card on me right now? I understood it in some way but also not at all.

'' Alison... At no point did I force you to be that person. And that's the person you always were to me under that tough, mean, badass bitch act you had when we were kids. That's who I always thought you were...''

'' I know Em... And I'm not holding it against you. I'm happy I went through that but it also wasn't quite me. I felt like I was always fragile and walking on egg shells, I felt like I was trying too hard and I don't want that anymore''

I take a deep breath and pierce into her beautiful blue eyes. Thinking of all the Alis I had known. The mean bitch. The missing friend. The dead lover. The runaway best friend. The enemy. The girlfriend. The soulmate. The ex. The centre of my universe. The girl who throughout it all wore confidence as easily as her signature jungle red lipstick.

'' What does that mean for this? For us? For the situation?'' she sighs at my questions, I know the answer I just don't want it. ''Cause I mean it. I fucking missed you Ali. Not just this month but for the past 5 years of my life. I know I fucked around but I missed you. I needed you. I wanted to hold you. I might not have known it then but I do now. I need you. I want you. I love you, Alison.''

She looked down and shook her head at me. Great. That's always a fucking fantastic sign. '' I don't know if I believe you just yet Em. I love you too... Just not like that for now.'' Ouch. I bit my lip as I tried to hide my sadness and disappointment. '' I'm not going to choose just yet. I want more time to choose me. To be Alison Lauren DiLaurentis. My own hero. My own best friend. As corny and cheesy as it is, I need to love me for me. And I don't know 100% who me is just yet. I'm sorry, Emily.''

I swallow down the sadness and look her in the eyes, trying to hide all negativity from my expression and my tone, but knowing all too well that with Alison, there was no hiding how I felt. '' I understand. I'll respect that.''

'' Thank you, Emily'' she hugs me and for a short second I am surprised but quickly get over it and hold her tight against me. I breathe her in, her sweet smell. She always smelled of lavender for some reason and it was always soothing to me.

I stroked her hair as I whispered ''Welcome home, bestie''. We both chuckled lightly and separated. I looked at her beautiful smile, her baby blue eyes, her round cheeks, her cute button nose and thought how the fuck did it take me so long. I leaned in and saw the look of worry on her face, I lightly shook my head at her and gave her a tender kiss on the cheek. As I pulled away, she wiped away a tear I hadn't even noticed had fallen and gave me a pitiful smile.

'' I'll see you around the halls''

'' Yup'' I nod '' Bye Ali''

''See you Em!''

'' I love you Alison Lauren DiLaurentis'' I whispered to myself as she rounded the corridor corner and disappeared out of my sight.

A/N

I don't know if anyone is still here for this - but I've started to regain some creativity so hoping I can throw myself back into this and finally give you what you want #emisonendgame

Feels good to be back :) 

- C