What Are We?

xxiii

"I'm sorry I panicked and threw a tantrum."

I'm still clinging to him as we laid down on the bed. Another time I left him to take care of himself. I'm the worst ever.

He looked at me and rubbed my arms, "you never have to say sorry ok." He kissed my forehead as my eyes fluttered in his touch. Will I ever deserve him? It feels like the more I get to know him the more I see how lacking I am but whenever that happens he always brings me up, making me believe I'm worth it and I'm the most precious person in his life. And for that I believe and trust him.

"Jin, why? Why do you like me?"

"You know what they say about having sparks with someone? Like there's an electricity? It's like that with you but more than that, in that chaos of senses overriding everything else, when I'm with you, I feel a sense of calm. Like I'm safe, secure. It feels like I'm home.. despite your temper. You make me see things I don't notice or think about things that didn't even cross my mind before and make me feel things that I've never known before. Of course I've been with other women before, but never this close and intimate.."

"What do you mean? You're a virgin too?"

I was shocked.

"No silly. I wish I was. If I only knew I'd meet you I would've saved myself for you." He pulled me closer to him. "What I mean is I've never felt connected emotionally to anyone as much as I have with you. It's like you know what I need and I know yours without even saying anything. Soulmates? Is that real? I don't know but with you I feel like it is." He breathed in my coconut scented hair. "You always smell so good too so that helps." He cackled as he tickled me to bring up my mood.

"We have the same shampoo." I snuggled closer to him taking in his scent as well.

"Yeah, I got it after showering at your place, makes me feel like you're with me." He snuggled in as well, putting me in his embrace tighter.

I wriggled away to look up to him, "You mean the night after you slept at my house drunk?" That was before we got close, why would he want to be with me at that time.

He scanned my face, tracing my outline with his fingers, my eyebrows, down to my jawline and to my lips, kissing me, pressing his lips on mine and hovered his hand on my breast to cup a feel. Suddenly this felt so familiar. He hasn't kissed me like this before but I remember this feeling.

"That's how our first kiss went right?" That was more a statement, he wasn't really asking me. "I remember our first kiss but I was ashamed to admit that I stole a kiss from you while inebriated, that the only time I can make a move on you was with the help of soju. That I was acting like an 8 year old boy being mean to the girl he liked."

I examined his face to see any hint of mischief like he always does when he pranks me but there wasn't. His eyes was longing, as if he'd been waiting to say this, confessing.

"What do you mean?" I blinked still trying to comprehend what he just confessed.

"You're making me say it outright huh?" He grinned oblivious that I was really confused. "I liked you the moment I saw you walk in with your sister that night. I was too shy to approach you so I just kept my distance. I was too shy to crack my dad jokes on you, afraid you won't like them. I was jealous at how you were talking to Jimin that night. So yeah I had a crush on you the moment I saw you. And the more I got to know you these past few months, I know I want you to be by my side, all the time.

"I want to hold you," tightening his arms around me.

"..kiss you," planting another kiss on my forehead.

"..and please you," taking in my mouth with his, gliding down to my neck, as he twirled his fingers between my nipples, sending shocks as he flick it and gently fondled my breasts.