What Love Is Supposed To Be/ Bangchan x reader

Chapter 20 | The Hospital Floor

3rd Person pov:

The three of them rushed to the hospital. On the way (y/n) tried to call Chan multiple times, but he didn't respond to any call or text the girl was sending him. After a 10 minutes drive, that would habe been almost half an hour, they finally arrived.
Immediately they meet Chans parents, who both gave her a hug. Her brother was already in the middle of the surgery and (y/n) was not allowed to be in the room, as it would be to dangerous to bring a new person in the room. Meaning, she had to sit and wait, until he was put of surgery.

(Y/n) pov:

It's past 4 am. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I've been here for over six hours. They are still in the middle of the surgery. My tears have dried, unable to fall anymore. With hurting eyes and an aching heart I sit on the floor, hugging my legs in desperation. Chans parents have left. They told me to call of I needed them and they would return immediately. Their son on the other hand still hasn't responded to any of my text..

Me:
Where are you???
Zack had to go into surgery early
Me:
We are driving to the hospital
Me:
Please call me back
Me:
Answer
Please..
Me:
Chan.. I need you right now..

I shouldn't have gone out today. I should have listened to my guts and stayed with Zack..
Felix and Minho are still here, trying to cheer me up, but they are failing miserably. Not that I'm blaming them. No one could cheer me up or comfort me right now... Besides Chan maybe..

"Here, something to drink and eat", Felix offers me a sandwich and water he bought. He's really sweet.. but I just shake my head. I feel like throwing up..
"Maybe you need some fresh air? Or a hug?", Minho asks, opening his arms.
"No.. can you please leave?", I can't look at them, not when I'm such a mess.
After a short silence both agree.
"Call me if you get any news, alright?", Felix asks worried, laying one of his tiny hands on my shoulder. I nod, waiting for them to finally go.
Their steps on the floor, making me tear up again.
"If Chan is still at your house Minho", I start, making the food steps stop, "Tell him, I hate him for letting me fall and hurting me again... And that I want him with me.."
No response. Instead the food steps continue and a door falls shut.
I'm alone. All by myself. My brother might not survive the night. My parents left the country like the cowards they are. Mister and Miss Bang are home and Chan.. left me by myself... I have no one. I told the people who were here for me off for no reason.. when I know I don't want to be by myself with this..
Why today? Why him? Zack's such a good and bright kid. He didn't deserve such a fate.. I am powerless to help him.
Still hugging my legs tightly, I stare at the food Felix bought me. Still staring down, I dig my nails into my arms, without really realizing it. Maybe I've gotten used to the pain I have inflicted years ago.. or maybe I'm so numb to hurt physically? Looking back I have always been pathetic.. dependent on Chan, even when he didn't want me.. maybe that's why I tried to tell myself I hate him, because I knew if I admitted how I felt, I would just get hurt again..

Hours of silence pass. The blood on my arms dried down, into a brownish, red color. I feel tired. The silence is killing me almost as much as the fear, greaf and resentment I am dealing with. Eventually food steps can be heard. I simply ignore them, as they get louder and stop in front of me. A shadow, bigger than me, is shielding me form the hospital lights, that have been penetrating my tired, hurting eyes for hours. Again the tears start to flow down my cheeks to my chin.
The person standing Infront of me just keeps standing there, probably looking down at me. I must look pathetic to them.
Slowly the person kneels down Infront of me, picking up the food, I still haven't touched and lays it besides me.
I know who it is and I don't want it to be him..
More tears travel alongside my face, over my reddish cheeks. I am still looking down, my head low, when the person rest his head on mine.

"I'm sorry", a weak voice speaks, making me cry even more, "I shouldn't have left you.."
I want him to leave, but I also want him to hug me and tell me everything is alright..
"Where were you? I tried to call you. I left you thousand messenges, but you ignored me.."
After a pause he answers: "I blacked out. Minho woke me up and told me what happened. I rushed over as soon as my head cleared up.."
"So you were drunk?", I can't believe him..
"No.. I.. I didn't drink any alcohol.. at least I don't think I did. Please, don't hate me.."
"Why did you even leave me there all by myself?"
"Rosa was with you! I.. i thought you two would be fine.."
"You're so dumb!", I look up at him, forcing his head off of mine, still crying, "I only went there to spend time with you! You've been so distant ever since you tried to kiss me! I was hoping we would be able to move past it through the 'hang out', but instead you left me!"
My tears are still flowing down and so are his. Both of us sitting on the cold floor of a hospital crying while looking at each other. But I can't stop my anger, not even his tears tame my hatred.
"I trusted you and you left me.. again.. I told you love is a waste of time and I keep wasting mine on you. And why, right, because I'm dumb!"
All he does is listen, letting me yell at him, still crying.
Why am I like this?
"And I know what makes me so stupid!", I still yell, as I throw myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around his torso.

"The love I feel for you is what makes me so dumb..", holding him tighter, I bury my face into him, "I hate that I love you.."