Thrills ( Buck & Eddie Fanfic)

Chapter 11: The Feelings

Buck flutters his eyes open.

The warmth coming from underneath him reminds him that he and Eddie had cuddled all night. Buck can't help but smile as this was the safest he's felt in months. He didn't even have any nightmares last night.

He perked his body up, looking down to a sleeping Eddie. He looked so peaceful when he slept. Buck was admiring every detail on the man's face. How puffy he looked in the mornings and how his lips looked so kissable.

It all came flooding back in Bucks mind that Eddie had kissed him last night. He felt a wave of panic takeover him involuntary. Did Eddie kiss him out of pity? Did Eddie share the same feelings as Buck did? They have been best friends for years and Buck had been in love with him the whole time but he never felt those feelings returned from Eddie.

Buck starts to get dressed quickly before Eddie could wake. He didn't want Eddie to feel embarrassed about last night. He's sure that he wouldn't make a big deal of it but if only Eddie knew the truth. If he knew what happened to Buck, he'd be disgusted sharing a bed with him.

As Buck was changing out of Eddie's PJ's and into his outfit from the night before, he heard a voice croak out from the bed.

"Morning, Buck."

"Good Morning, Ed's. I'm gunna call a cab and head out. " Buck said in a shy tone.

"Wait, what? Don't you want to stay for breakfast?" Eddie asks while propping himself up from the bed.

"No, it's okay. I've overstayed." Buck responds.

"First off, you could never overstay. Secondly, can I drive you home at least?" Eddie asks.

Buck bites his lip in contemplation but nods at the offer.

"Is everything okay, Evan? Did I make you uncomfortable?" Eddie asks in confusion.

"No not at all. I feel like I may have made you uncomfortable." Buck says shyly.

"And what makes you think that?" Eddie responds, raising his eyebrow.

"Umm well-umm the kiss last night?"

Eddie's face softened and he slowly walked over towards Buck, resting his hand onto Bucks shoulder.

"Evan, I'm the one who kissed you. Why would that make me uncomfortable?" Eddie asked, bending his knees to meet Bucks lowered gaze.

"I-I don't know. I just didn't think you could ever like me like...that" Buck responds awkwardly.

"Well if we're being truthful here, I've kinda been head over heels for you the moment we first met. I've never had any attraction to men before that, but you're just so beautiful Evan." Eddie admits.

"Y-you like me?" Buck mutters out.

"No I don't "like" you Buck. I'm in love with you." Eddie says, opening his heart completely.

Buck was dumbfounded. He couldn't believe his ears. He's wanted to hear Eddie say those words for years now. However, his brain only allowed him to feel that joy for a brief minute before his thoughts were drowned in darkness again.

Eddie claims to love him but he doesn't know just how broken Buck is. He loved Eddie too much to drag him down with him. He had a child to care for, Buck couldn't pull Eddie's priorities away from Chris. Buck wasn't even sure he could have sex again, let alone feel loved. He couldn't give Eddie what he needed.

Tears immediately form in Bucks eyes. He wanted so badly to tell Eddie his feelings for him. He wanted to kiss his handsome face and feel safe in his arms again but he couldn't be selfish.