Wild Lenses (Profession Series #2)

Breakdown

Waking up with a heavy heart was what I've been experiencing in the past 6 years.

I felt empty, that's why I usually get up on my bed when I already gained strength to smile again.

Hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na ngayon. Kahit ang pagbubukas ng bintana ay hindi ko na rin kayang gawin. Pakiramdam ko napapagod agad ako kahit wala pa akong ginagawa.

My energy was now on its lowest kaya hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong matulala.

*Knock *Knock

"It's already lunch time. You skipped breakfast"

That's javier voice. Lunch na pero hindi pa rin ako nakakaramdam ng pagkagutom kahit na pizza lang ang naging dinner namin kagabi.

I'm not in the mood to argue nor talk to him, and dahil hindi naman niya alam yung pinagdadaanan ko ay pinilit ko na ring tumayo. Para na rin hindi na niya ako kulitin, kung sakali man.

Pagkaopen ko pa lang ng door ay nakaabang na sa labas si javier. Usually I would smile at him, but in my case right now nakayakap lang ako sa sarili ko na anytime pwede akong magbreakdown.

"You should eat"

Ramdam ko ang malalim nitong pagtitig nang magsimula akong maglakad papunta sa kitchen.

There's so much food in the table. I thought tapos na siyang kumain but I was surprised when he pulled a chair infront of me.

This is the first time na kakain kami ng sabay after 6 years. Sa ilang araw na pananatili ko sa condo, he always chooses to eat in his room than to dine with me. Hindi ko din naman ine-expect na magkakasabay kami ngayon.

While eating, I could feel the tension between us. Tanging tunog ng kutsara at pag-nguya lang ang maririnig sa pagitan naming dalawa. Actually I also preferred this. I want a peace of mind.

"Ehem. Hmm. Are you sick?"

I didn't expect him to asked. But of course I wouldn't dare to tell him the truth. He's out of it.

"No. Gusto ko lang magpahinga. Excuse me."

Hindi talaga ako madalas kumain kapag nafefeel kong nanghihina ako. I would rather spend my day in my room than to act productive.

Kahit sa mansyon walang sumusubok na kausapin ako because they knew I'm going to breakdown.

*Knock *Knock

"Let's play. Video games"

I don't get him. Kahapon lang napakabusy niyang tao, and now, wala ba siyang kailangang gawin!

"Thank you. But I'm not in the mood to play right now."

I'm not sure if he clearly hear what I've said, pero hindi ko na narinig pa ang boses ni Javier sa labas.

I thought he'll stop messing with me, but after a minute of overthinking ay kumakatok na naman siya, with different reason of course.

"Hindi ka ba naiinip? Want some snacks?"

*Sighed

What's wrong with him! Mas lalong hindi ako nakakapag-isip dahil sa kakulitan niya.

"Cookies ba? Donuts? May binili ako sa baba"

I don't want him to feel guilty. Kung ginagawa niya lang to kasi feeling niya may naging kasalanan siya kahapon. It's nothing.

"Should I ask Nay Sabel about your he---"

"I'm fine! Bakit ba ang ingay ingay mo"

I immediately open my room's door, only to see javier smiling widely. This is the first time na nakita ko siyang ngumiti, and it was giving me a old javier's vibe.