Yellow Ledbetter

I Feel like I'm Drowning

Her body felt sluggish as she woke up to some arguing. She blinked, looking around for the noise.

"I took the first flight out here from New York, in a fuckin' snow storm because you think that the goddamn stent quote-unquote is out of position?! And you didn't bother to, oh I don't know, call until twelve hours after she was admitted?!" She recognized the voice but for some reason couldn't remember his name.

"Our focus was to make sure that whatever was going on was stopped so that-" "I'm the co-head of her cardiac surgeons and the head pulmonologist on her case and you couldn't even be bothered to call?!"

"Doctor Burr-Montgomery, please take a deep breath." Maura said.

JD! That's his name! Jane thought to herself as her vision finally cleared.

"I want to speak with your boss. I'll make sure that you are thrown off the case if this happens again. Now go away." JD basically pushes the Doctor away and closes the door. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Cristina is gonna hang me by my balls and use my chest as a target practice."

"Sounds painful." Jane croaked. Maura practically ran to her side, "Oh Honey are you okay?" "Yeah, what happened?" Jane asked.

"You had a heart attack and the doctors here thought the stent may have come loose, so they called Doctor Burr-Montgomery and his Senior resident down just in case." Maura briefly pointed to the two surgeons.

"Jane, this is my Senior resident, Doctor Daisy Hamil. The kids at the hospital call her Rey." JD introduces Jane to the brunette.

"It's an honor to meet you, Captain Rizzoli." Rey gives a shy wave. "To you too."Jane tried to wave, but felt like she couldn't move her arm.

She looked down and saw restraints, "The hell?" "You tried to fight the paramedics." Maura squeezed Jane's hand.

"Did my..?" "No, scans have been clear." "Do they know what caused my heart attack?" Jane asked.

"You had a heart murmur that your care team at the center didn't catch it and during your therapy your heart started skipping beats and you had a heart attack." Rey said, reading the chart.

Jane began to tear up. "Honey, what's wrong?" Maura asked. "Is this a setback?" She looked at the surgeons.

"Unfortunately, but I'm gonna make a few calls and get you on the at home care. A simple mistake of not checking for heart palpitations or murmurs every hour like I asked them too, could've killed you. I called Doctor Yang and Shepherd a while ago and they agreed." JD said.

"How long do I have to be here before I can go home?" Jane looked at him.

"Well, based on scans, we're gonna go in and see if there are any repairs that need our corrections then keep you here for a couple of days." JD said.

Jane nods. Rey whispered something in JD's ear. "We're gonna leave you two alone." He said as the two began to leave, "We'll be by later."

Once they left, Jane burst into tears. Maura held her wife, "Jane? Jane, honey what's wrong?"

"This sucks! Why is my recovery so fucking slow and long!? I'm gonna be sixty by the time I'm fully recovered! It feels like I'm drowning and I'm doing everything I can to stay afloat but each time I manage to have a chance, I get pulled back under!" Jane sobbed.

Maura wiped some tears off of Jane's face, "Healing takes time, you can't rush it. I wish you could recover faster too, but you went through a major trauma. I want you to heal, but you can't give up because it's taking too long."

"I know, but how much longer do I have until I'm healed?!" "I don't know, you may be one hundred percent in a few months or years. However, I'm gonna be with you every step of the way. Okay?"

Jane nods. Maura climbed into the bed, being mindful of the wires, and held her wife. For the first time in years they were in bed together, not how they've planned for it to be, but together.

Jane's tears began to stop as she relaxed in Maura's arms. There was some silence before Jane heard sniffing.

"Maura?" Jane opened her eyes and looked at Maura. "I thought I was gonna lose you again." Maura sheepishly admitted, sniffing.

"Maur," Jane gingerly sat up, bringing Maura up with her, "all that time I was sleeping, all I could think about was holding you and telling you how much I love you. I do admit there was a point where I could hear everything, but I couldn't say anything. When I was like that, I wanted to die."

"Jane..." "I was angry that I could hear you, but I couldn't tell you. Once I woke up, I told myself that I was gonna heal as fast as I could so I can tell you that I love you. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Promise?" "Promise."

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Sorry for the late update! I'm working a little bit more and have very little time to write.

Hopefully I'll update here soon!