I had no intention of falling in love with anyone again dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na kapag nag mahal ulit ako, mauubos na naman ako. Ako ang talo sa huli because I love too much... too deep. But it happened, my heart betrayed me, and fell in love with a man who sees my dark soul but still chose to stay with me.
No matter how hundred of reasons I've gathered to not fall in love with him, there's one reason that allows me to decide a risky but worthy decision... I love him. All the reasons I've thought of not loving him were defeated by the phrase, "I love him".
Wala eh, talo ng pagmamahal ang lahat. Love is not blind, lovers are.
"I only felt extreme tiredness. Kilala n'yo naman ako, I'm always energetic... Even though I'm not exerting too much energy, I still feel tired," si Reni.
Nakatambay lang kami ngayon sa bench sa loob ng aming paaralan dahil biglaang nagpatawag ng meeting ang principal kaya wala kaming klase ngayon.
This is our first time talking about his condition. Sa una ay medyo hesitant pa ako pero si Reni na mismo ang unang nagsalita tungkol doon.
"That explains why you won't share your drinks with me," saad ko.
He laughed, "Yup! I don't want you to end up like me."
Nawala ang ngiti sa labi n'ya.
"Don't be like me... Hindi lang sakit ang kalaban mo, pati ang mga tao sa paligid mo, worse is your family. They will not just judge you, they will disown you. Ikakahiya ka nila."
I saw the pain in Reni's eyes while uttering those words. He tried to cover it with his laugh but I was too fast to observe the pain and tiredness in it.
"Kahit ang sarili, magiging kalaban mo rin. You will blame yourself endlessly. You will fill your mind with guilt. You will sleep full of regrets and self-blame. Magiging matigas ka sa sarili mo at titigil ka lang kapag tanggap mo na ang lahat. When everything makes sense and when the realization hits you so bad."
He took a deep sigh and stared at me.
"Kaya ikaw, itigil mo na ang nakasanayan mong gawin. It's not too late to begin a new life, Ace. You have now few but genuine people who will help you grow."
I nodded and smiled a bit.
I know I got their backs that's why I'm doing the right thing now... slowly doing what I was supposed to do before I became like this.
"You ensure safety before sex naman, 'di ba?" Shai asked.
Bigla lumakas ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. I know what to answer but it seems like every word that could escape my mouth will stab my heart.
"Y-yes, you know my motto. Safety before sex... b-but I'm not sure if they're indeed safe."
Before I do sex, I always asked if they're safe or not at palaging oo ang sagot doon. Masiyado lang talaga akong tanga at sabik noon para hindi maisip na maaari silang magsinungaling.
"You don't have the symptoms, right?" kinakabahang tanong ni Shai.
I bit my lower lip and shook my head slowly. Napabuntong hininga silang dalawa pero kita ko pa rin ang pag-aalala sa kanilang mga mukha.
I am also nervous. As much as I want Reni to not be alone in his battle, I don't want to be infected.
I'm gradually changing myself. I'm just starting a new life. Unti-unting nagiging maayos ang buhay ko. I just earned my family's trust. I don't want another pain. I don't want another nightmare. Tama na ang madilim kong nakaraan.
If I'm positive, then I'm back to zero. Parang bumalik ako sa nakaraan ko kung saan puno ng panghuhusga ang natanggap ko. I will lose everything again. I will be back at the edge of the world of darkness again. Everything will be blurry, again. I will question my purpose, again.
BINABASA MO ANG
Consolation In Distress (Consolation Series #1) COMPLETED
Roman d'amour"I met him, we broke up, I went back, I found him laughing with his new solace." Have you heard your relatives saying that you're the biggest disappointment of your family? Have you heard strangers calling you hubadera at maagang lumandi without kn...
