tw / / mention of self-harm, R-18, anxiety attack
"How are you living alone?" Tatay asked as he swallowed his food.
Ngumiti nang tipid si Dawn, "Nothing's change, Pastor. All good."
My family planned to have a family lunch, nagulat nalang ako nang sinabi nilang tawagan ko raw si Dawn para sabihin na sumabay sa amin ngayon.
"Mabuti kung ganoon. Nasanay ka na rin naman at hindi nag tanim ng sama ng loob sa mga magulang mo."
"I am alone almost half of my age kaya n-nasanay na rin po."
Hinawakan ko ang kamay n'ya upang ipaalam na ayos lang kahit hindi n'ya sagutin ang mga tanong ni Tatay. I can see in his eyes that he's not comfortable talking about this topic. He's hesitating to answer all the questions thrown to him but because the questions came from my father, he answered even if it means opening up a part of his wound.
I know that all his triggers are caused by his family or if not, maybe they're just part of it.
It is not easy to talk about something that brings back bad memories that could trigger negative emotions. Hindi madaling balikan ang nakaraan lalo na at hindi maganda ang dulot nito sa atin.
It's not just about reminiscing the memories, it's also about turning the scars into a wound again.
Good thing that I had diverted the topic immediately bago pa mahalata ni Tatay na hindi interesado si Dawn sa pagsagot sa mga katanungan n'ya.
"Parehas pala tayong mahilig sa patis," tumawa si Tatay.
"Opo, Pastor. I loved to partner it with everything I eat."
Siniko ako ni Yves, "But you don't like it, hindi kayo compatible," she whispered, enough for me to hear.
"Hindi mahilig si Ace sa gan'yan, kahit ang amoy ay hindi kayang tagalan," si Mama at tumingin sa akin, "Look at her, she's almost can't inhale. Ayaw n'ya talaga sa amoy, mabaho raw."
Kunot-noo naman akong binalingan ni Dawn. His jaw clenched yet his eyes softened.
Nilayo n'ya ang patis sa akin, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"It's fine! Don't worry about me."
I don't want him to adjust for me. If it's his favorite, then I'll try to like it. Kahit hindi na ang lasa, ang amoy nalang.
"That's impossible..."
Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang ngiti.
"I have another mask, use it."
He handed me a disposable mask. Tinanggap ko na 'yon dahil sa totoo lang ay hindi ko matagalan ang amoy ng patis. Nahihilo ako at nasusuka sa tuwing nasisinghap ko ang amoy.
"Don't remove it until I finished this, okay?" he uttered as he fixed my mask.
I nodded. Nang binalik ko ang tingin kay Tatay ay malayo at malalim ang tingin n'ya sa amin, na parang may malalim na Iniisip.
"Mahal..." Mama squeezed his hand, bigla naman siyang natauhan.
He awkwardly cleared his throat and smiled at me, a smile that screams "I'm proud of you". And like the old times, I smiled back.
Sa lahat ng magagandang nangyari sa akin ay ang panunumbalik ng closeness namin ni Tatay ang Isa sa mga pinakagusto ko. I can still feel the awkwardness between us, especially when we talked about serious things but I'm trying not to show it to him. I want to be comfortable like how I was comfortable with him before.
BINABASA MO ANG
Consolation In Distress (Consolation Series #1) COMPLETED
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