I dreamed about him today it all felt so real and I hate it when it's like that if it's been a year why do I keep dreaming about him in ways I shouldn't anymore it was like he'd came back and we were still together and everything was cool except for his mom she still hated me except on her good days and apparently in this dream she was extremely happy and she let him go to me after I had left his house and when I got to my house he was already there all nervous and shaking up I didn't know how to act because I was surprised to see him there all around my embarrassing crazy family but the one being embarrassing was me I was being so awkward and weird and intense but at the end of the dream he was just smiling at me and I calmed down a bit . I remember him wearing this baby blue shirt with purple that I think had a band name I think it was pierce the veil T-shirt and I remembered him with his wavy hair and his stupid smile. I just know that I woke up feeling weird and disgusted by the dream because I can't still forgive him but now that I remembered his smile and his reasons to smile around me and his laugh, his hair , his dog and when I thought he used to love me I just smiled I kind of miss him now but I'll just keep doing everything I've been doing these past months forgetting him and fighting against my feelings . My brain has been at war with my heart specially now that needs more self love than anything else. 4.2.18-12:42pm
