I'm laying down drowning in my tears just thinking that feeling empty is worse than feeling pain. Emptiness is the worse feeling you can ever have it's like having no purpose it's like having a can of food but inside it's all empty. I have the worse emotions anyone can have with no one to hug or to understand I feel so alone and I just want to drug myself and drown in alcohol I want to be so fucking numb and shut my mind out. I'm only surviving in this shitty planet that I don't fucking want to live in anymore but being forced to because I'm so afraid Of trying to kill myself and ending up alive and worse the only thing that crosses my mind is that If I had the guts once why not now and that I should of fucking died back then I should've fucking died that one fucking night my shitty life changed. My goal was to make it to 20 years old who fucking knew this would be the worse fucking time of my fucking life I just want to fucking ended already until I find the way I want everyone to leave me alone. //4.5.18-8:36pm
