Alone

Let everything free

I woke up to knocking at my door and sat up wiping the the sleep from my eyes.

"Harvey you up?" I hear Steve's voice echoing in the hallway.

I opened the door slowly. composing myself as I do so.

"I am now, what is it?" I said glaring at him yawning.

Steve rather than an immediate response looked at me with a confused expression,

"What?" I said annoyed already beginning to lose my temper. I do not have anger issues shut up.

"Have you been crying?" He asked.

"What? no I just didn't sleep very well that's all," I said too quickly and maybe overplaying my authenticity. Only weak people cry, you imbecile.

"Well I was going to ask you to come with me on a run but you look tired," Steve said sincerely. So it's five in the morning of course I look tired.

"It's fine, I'm not anymore,let me change," I replied abruptly.

Steve nodded clearly thinking something.

I walked back in the room changing into leggings and a T-shirt, and my sneakers,

I walked out of the room, Seeing Steve still standing there. What is he thinking.

"Ready?" The tall blonde questioned.

I nodded,

Let me just say I'm glad Steve asked, running always seemed to clear my mind. even when I go to the dark corners of my mind, the parts that that spiral, like why? why does no one care, why did my Father even have me or keep me if he hated me so much,

I think Steve was going easy since I'm at a even pace with him, I just felt depressed is the word after talking to my Dad.

He felt that he had to beat me to a pulp to test me, I thought stupidly as usual. God why are men such assholes.

Finally after our run I went to shower, I needed to think, keep the dark thoughts away, keep the anger at bay, normally when I need to take the edge off or just need to feel good, I go get some weed but I promised so I can't do that again. Just kidding, I'm just sick of all this "actions have consequences shit."

The talk with my Father left me feeling all kinds of angry, confused and most importantly hurt.

After my shower I put a bandana in my hair got dressed I changed into leggings and an old shirt. I tell you what running with Steve beats sparring with Nat any day. I was called down for lunch considering I hadn't eaten in three days. I sat down I could feel eyes on me. I made sure not to make eye contact with anyone. Clint gave me a plate of food.

'Thank you.' I stated immediately starting to eat so I didn't have to talk anymore. I consumed the food stood up washed my plate ignoring everyone. I'm still not going to talk to them. I go to one of the party floors to hide. I sit behind the bar and eventually pick up a bottle despite knowing I'm doing something completely stupid. Chug the bottle hear a voice. Shit don't move or make a sound hopefully they'll pass.

'Harvey you in here?' I can't even tell who that is.

'Friday are you sure she's in here?' The voice asked. Teleport, no, teleport, maybe, you can so do it, fine.

'She's behind the bar sir, she seems to be drunk.' I heard then giving up at slumping down.

'What?!' I heard an outraged possibly a little angry voice followed by rushed footsteps across the room. Bubbles. See inner voice is weirdly positive when I'm drunk.

'What the hell have you done kiddo,' I looked up to see Clint looking down on me. Ugh why couldn't it have been Tony. Wouldn't have said anything. Probably.

'Friday tell Bucky and Natasha I need to talk to them in approximately 20 minutes.' He said.

'What we're you thinking Harvey, getting drunk? Why just why,' I am pretty sure he continued talking after that but I was already in a trance.

'Come on, we can finish this conversation tomorrow with Nat and Bucky. Right now you need to eat something and go to bed.' He ordered helping me stand up. My head was throbbing by this point.

'I-I'm not hungry,' I said quietly.

'Alright fine, but you need a check up tomorrow because I swear you barely eat.' He complained.

'Now, come on bed now young lady.' He demanded as I stumbled falling face first into the ground. I continue a cycle of walk, fall, stand up, walk a few more times before I think  Clint said,
'Goodness kiddo, how much did you drink, there is no way your getting to your bedroom like that. Can I carry you?' He asked. I don't recall what happened after that.

He carried me into my bedroom and put me down on my bed sitting down in the corner of the room as my memory gets clearer again.

'Goodnight Harvey, sleep well little one,'Clint said halfway between sternly and heartfelt. Strange combination. I fell asleep almost immediately after that.Not really sober enough to know what really happened. Tomorrow is going to be fun.