The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

121. Mental Breakdown

You jump back in surprise as your mom screams at you. You quickly rush back inside as she directed. You stand nervously in the middle of the living room, unsure of what was about to happen. Your mom walks in and slams the front door. She screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" You instinctively reach your arms up, covering your ears with your hands. She yanks your arms away, screaming in your face now. "WELL? ANSWER ME!" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "Last night, when you told me you were going out AGAIN, I decided to take it easy and have some fast food for dinner. And wouldn't you know it, there you were, with that friend of yours, sucking eachother's faces off!" You feel your heart stop. She caught you. Finally, after being with Scott for months behind your mom's back, she finally caught you with him. You barely have time to process this information before she continues speaking, "What's wrong? Huh? You upset that you got caught? I just cannot believe you! I thought I raised you better than this! I thought I taught you not to trust those disgusting, pathetic excuses of living creatures!"

You continue to stare at her in silence, a look of fear on your face, your eyes watering. Her expression turns from anger to concern. She steps towards you, cupping your face with her hands. "Honey, you look so frightened. Am I wrong?" You look into her eyes, letting your tears fall. For some stupid reason, you think maybe she understands. But no.. Of course not. She says, "Is this their doing?" Your eyes widen, "Wh-What?" "They're the ones doing this to you! Everything they've done. Everything you've done.. Has been a result of the torture they've put you through. Honey, I'm so so sorry for everything they've put you through." She leans in and embraces you tightly.

You stand there, motionless, unable to do anything as you process what's going on. Her words are in one ear, out the other. You're unsure of what's happening. Is it happening? Yes. No. Yes. Maybe? Her words come back, and are absorbed into your brain. But how does it make you feel? You're not happy. You're sad. And angry. And afraid. You understand your feelings, but you don't. It's as though your world is cracking and breaking around you. She continues to go on about what she thinks is happening. "So that LaVey boy must be bullying you! He must be pushing your self esteem so far down, that you feel you have no choice but to listen to him! Listen to him and all his.. Goons.. He covers up his manipulative behavior with cute, innocent words and promises of friendship. He's.. They're all making excuses for why it's not really their fault! But it is.. It's all their fault. THEY are the ones creating the problems for you. But I'm done with it! What else have that done? How else did they hurt you? Did they beat you up? Forced you into situations you didn't want to be in? And what about the dog thing? What has he done to you, to make you show such a disgusting display of fake affection? He must have.." She covers her mouth as if she realized a horrible truth, and lets out a gasp. "Honey.. Did he.. Take advantage of you? Did he.. Rape you?" Your world shatters.

Anger. The feeling you're feeling.. Is anger. With one final sniffle, you wipe the tears out of your eyes and off your face. "Scott.. Would never do that.. Don't you ever accuse him of something like that." You stare down at the floor, not wanting to look her in the eyes. "Honey, stop that.. It's okay. I know you don't want to face the hard truth, but you must. They have manipulated you into believing you're worthless, so now you'll do anything you can to make sure you're not a disappointment. Trust me, I know what's going on." She puts her hands on your shoulders, but you pull yourself away. "No.. You don't know anything! I am tired of you pretending that you know me, and that you know my friends. You don't! My friends aren't manipulative, especially not Scott! Scott is by far, the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person I have ever met! He may be dumb, and overexcited, and a little forward sometimes, but he's also loving, and supportive, and he cares deeply about his friends!" Your mother looks personally offended. She argues back, "Kind? Loving? Supportive? How on Earth is it possible that he's any of those things, he's a monster!" "The only real monster here, is you! I hate it when you get these ideas in your head, and then you go on about how true it is! Where's your proof? Huh? Prove to me that they're manipulating me. That Scott raped me. Do it." You stare her directly in the eyes, even though it makes you uncomfortable and nervous. She grabs you by the wrist and marches you to your room, throwing you inside. The force causes you to fall. You look back at the door, seeing her look down at the ground, looking tired. "I'm just trying to look out for you, honey. I'm doing this.. Because I love you.." She shuts the door.

The entire conversation finally settles in your mind, and you feel overwhelmed. Your breaths start to quicken and shake, and your tears start falling again. The final words your mom said before she shut the door echoes in your head. 'I love you.' It repeats over and over. You cover your ears, silently begging your mind to shut up. If she loves you, why does she treat you this way? You've always been made to feel like an outcast. How is that love? You doubt every love you've ever felt, throwing you deeper into despair as you think of Scott. Does he love you? If he does, why isn't he mean to you? Why doesn't he hurt you? Why doesn't he...

You pass out after your mental breakdown finally subsides, and you don't remember the rest of your night.