Heart Like a Machine

Chapter 12

I was leaning against a balcony when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see it was Avad. I had never actually met him in person.

"Sun King Avad," I said and bowed.

"Please, there is no need to bow."

I stood up and just nodded.

"I heard about what happened to you. You surrendered yourself when Helis and the Shadow Carja attacked."

"It was because I didn't want to attack Meridian. Although I was trained by them, I never wanted to fight for them. I knew it was wrong and what they were doing was wrong."

"I thank you for not giving in to their ways. They had a large persuasion on a lot of people."

"How did the Shadow Carja form?"

"It was when I overthrew my father. There were some that were still loyal to him and they created the Shadow Carja from it. How they got those machines, I still do not know. With the help of Aloy, I hope I can learn more from her."

"Aloy," I whispered and turned away from him, returning back to my position to leaning on the balcony.

"Tell me, you came here to Meridian with her. Are you two friends?"

"Yeah," I said abruptly. "We're friends. We grew up in the Nora tribe together. She was an outcast while I was not."

"How did you two become friends?"

"I snuck around here and there so I could talk to her. She didn't have anyone other than the man who raised her. I figured she was pretty lonely having no friends."

"You made the right choice, even if it went against the Nora laws."

"I just wanted her to have a friend and I wanted to have a friend as well. The other Nora kids treated her like the outcast she was. I didn't want her to feel completely alone."

"You have a good heart, Y/N. Aloy is lucky to have you as a friend."

I just nodded my head, "Thanks."

"Something seems to be troubling you."

"It's nothing," I said, looking away from him, trying to hide that I was starting to cry.

He nodded, "I understand. Feelings are a touchy subject to some. I'll let you be."

"Thank you, Avad," I said and listened to his footsteps fade away.

I put my head on my arms and silently cried to myself. Why was I crying all of a sudden? Was it the ale? Was it due to the conversation I had with Aloy? Or was it because I finally understood my feelings towards her? Whatever the reason it was, I was crying here and all alone. I picked my head up and looked up at the night sky. It was so clear that all the stars were prominent. It was bright too with the moon being there.

"What am I going to do?" I asked myself as I stood up. "I'm afraid I made things awkward between us now from what I did earlier." I let out a sigh, "Might as well go back now that I've gotten some fresh air."

I was on my way back from where I was to see Aloy and Erend talking to one another outside his house.

"Have you seen Y/N?" she asked.

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"She ran off after we talked."

"Where do you think she ran off to?"

"I don't know, but I'm worried. She did something and then ran off after it. I-I just want to understand where she's coming from."

"I noticed you two are very close. Does it have something to do with your friendship?"

"I think it does. I just need to look for her."

"Let's walk around Meridian. She still has to be here."

They both walked off and I poked my head out from the side of the house I was hiding behind. I walked back over to the balcony I was at. I looked out at the battlefield as some of the Carja were collecting the bodies of the dead, both Carja and Shadow Carja. I watched as they scavenged the machines for parts so that they could use it for whatever they needed it for.

"There you are," Aloy came up behind me.

"A-Aloy," I whipped around, seeing her behind me. "D-Did you use your Focus to help you find me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry if you didn't want to be found, but I just wanted to know what happened back in Erend's house."

"It might be the alcohol that took control of me and my words, but I honestly don't know, Aloy. I just needed to clear my head and see if my sober mind would remember anything that happened when I was tipsy."

"Y/N, I know we had a talk about feelings while we started this journey."

"And I remember what you said, that you don't think now is the right time to have a relationship."

"Correct."

"Do you still feel that way?" I asked.

"Well, since I feel that there is more out there that needs to be explored and fixed, now is still not the best time."

I nodded my head, "I-I figured you were going to say that."

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm not trying to reject you over and over, but now is not the time for any of us to get into a relationship."

I just sighed, listening to what she has to say. She walked over to me and tried to reach out to place her hand on my shoulder. I just walked away and back towards Erend's place. I think I just hurt her feelings even more by not letting her try to console me and get closure. I was just hurt, but I couldn't help it if she didn't want to start anything right now. I don't blame her and I understand where she's coming from. When I reached Erend's house, I opened the door to find him.

"There you are! Aloy was worried about you."

"I talked to her," I said lowly.

"Oh, you did?"

"Yes."

"I take it that it didn't go well?"

"Not really," I said and sat down.

"Well, there's a spare bed down here. There's only one though so one of you might have to sleep on the floor."

"I'll sleep on the floor."

"Aloy might not like that."

"I get that," I said and looked at my empty cup, wanting to drink away the conversation we had.