Blue Dreams (Larina)

Chapter 9

Lana's POV:

⚠️TW: this chapter deals with alcohol addiction⚠️

I got to the Cafe at about 11:45, I wanted to be extra early for Marina so I could spend every moment I could with her. I walked in and found a table in the middle of the cafe and just waited for my love.

Thoughts were filling my mind, fear and excitement running ramped in my body. What if she doesn't love me the same way I love her? What if her label finds out about us? What if she asks how I've been? What will I tell her? How will she react to my drinking problem? All these questions coming into mind. Until she walked in.

When she turned and saw me sitting at the table a gigantic smile filled her face, and one started to appear on mine. I love seeing her happy. She approached the table and pulled out a chair.

"Heyy," I said. I wasn't sure what emotions I was showing, there were too many going through me.

"Hiii," she replied. She seemed excited but slightly nervous.

"It's amazing we are able to be here together," I said, trying to avoid the dreaded question of how are you. I think she could sense the excitement and fear in me.

"I know right! I'm so happy about it. I don't care what the label says, they can drop me if they want. That's their loss," She said. "How have you been?"

In that moment I froze. What do I tell her? I'm not good or fine. Do I tell her about my alcohol issues recently? I don't want her to worry.

"Oh I've been um...," hesitancy filling my voice. "good I guess," I spit out. I knew she could tell I was lying.

"You know it's safe to tell me how you feel," she said, grabbing my arm. I could tell she was scared.

"I never see you cry," I mumbled looking down at the table. I looked so desperate for her, the fact I knew her song by heart. "I've been... well, worse than bad". I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. "I don't want to get into it here, too public, too likely for publicity".

"I agree," she said.

"How have you been?" I asked.

"Well, life has its ups and downs, and recently it's felt like more downs," she replied. "Hey, my house is only 10 minutes away, would you like to go there so it's more private?"

I instantly got excited, I was gonna be able to go over to the girl I loves house!

"Definitely, text me the address," I said. This was like a dream.

"Ok, I will," she said with a smile.

We walked out to our cars, and I got my phone out to put on some music and to put in the address. She texted me her address and I replied back with "ok Xx". I put on my 'just Marina' playlist, and started singing along to 'Teen Idle', it's my favorite by her since it's so relatable.

10 minutes later I made it to Marinas house. She was waiting outside for me, I presume she just got home too. When she saw my car a smile filled her face, which made me crack a smile too.

"Hey again," she said. I could feel her excitement, it was honestly kind of contagious.

"Hii," I said, fear, love, and happiness filling my mind.

"Here follow me," She said, while we walked into her house. "You can place your stuff wherever, make yourself comfortable".

"Wow, you have a nice place," I said. It is absolutely gorgeous.

"Thank you love" she replied. The 'love' made my heart happy. I hope she loves me like I love her.

She lead me over to her couch, she sat down and I sat down next to her. I wish we were closer but I can't have her know I love her yet.

"What's on your mind love?" She asked, I could tell she was concerned. She was definitely asking with her whole heart.

"Umm... well..." I said, I wasn't sure how to start the conversation. It's a hard subject for me, and I don't want her to think less of me. "I... umm..."

"It's safe to talk to me, but only if you want to love," she said. I could tell she wanted to show me she cared.

"I got back into drinking, heavily drinking. It's been bad. It might even be worse than when I first started drinking," I said sighing. It's honestly kinda embarrassing.

"Oh my, Lizzy, when did this start?" She asked with fear in her voice. Her being scared is exactly what I didn't want.

"Do you want me to be honest?" I asked, I knew my response would make her feel worse about it. "Right after you were forced to cut me off". Tears started falling from my eyes. The feelings of fear and sadness taking over.

"Lizzy, if only I knew, I would have tried to do something," she said. Tears were starting to fall from her. I felt so terrible, all I wanted to do was cuddle her and hug her.

"I don't know what you could do," I said. I know what could have helped, but I doubt she feels the same about me.

"Well, now we are back together, I never want you going down that path again," she said. "I love you too much to lose you," I heard her mumble. She was looking down when she said it, I assume to try and prevent me from hearing it, but I did. It was the best thing I could have ever heard.

"What did you say Mar?" I asked with a smirk, knowing damn well what she said.

"I said I love you, and I can't imagine losing you," she said louder and looking me in the eyes. I was so happy. She doesn't know how much I've wanted to hear her say that.

I could feel her start to panic though. I don't think she wanted to say that quite yet. But what she doesn't know, is that saying those little words saved me. "I'm so-" she said right before I cut her off. I put my hand on her face and approached her soft lips with mine. She kissed back, and it was the best minute of my life.

She moved her hands down to my waist, and kissed me more firm. I couldn't believe what was actually happening, I was actually able to kiss the love of my life. I pulled back with a gigantic smile on my face.

"Mar, I love you too," I said with love.

She looked over at the clock with giant smile, I could tell she wanted that kiss to happen.

"I have to go back to rehearsals at 2, wanna get ice cream before that? Also, do you want to come with me to rehearsals?" She asked, still smiling, this was all like a dream.

"Of course I would love to babe," I said. How could I ever say no to her?

More questions were going through my head now, they were definitely different from the last ones. What are we gonna call us? Will we ever come out publicly? What if it doesn't work out? All of the thoughts paused when she spoke again.

"Lizzy, I want you to stay the night tonight. I don't want you to go drinking tonight. After I'm done with rehearsals we'll stop at your house to get stuff," she said. I could tell she really cares.

"Ok babe, that's fine with me," I said. "We should probably get ready to go, considering we have only an hour left," I said looking at Marina.

"True, well I'll drive," she said.

————————————————————————

A/N: hey y'all how are you? Today is Lana's birthday!! So it's fitting I'm publishing her POV. I hope she has a marvelous birthday today!

Also, I realized this is probably gonna be quite a long story (A/N from the editing room: IT FUCKING IS) . But hey, it's fun to write. Anyways, I love y'all so much, remember to drink water and eat something❤️💙🧁