Blue Dreams (Larina)

Chapter 30

Lana's POV:

I was pissed. I can't believe that Suzi would try and break us up in hopes of getting with Marina. If it didn't work with Jack, why would it work with me? Plus, how could she deal with seeing Marina be heartbroken? We love each other. She doesn't care enough about Marina. Marina was in pieces when she broke up with Jack. Suzi is just a selfish little bitch.

I had to hold myself back from going to Suzi and screaming. I refuse to let her steal my girlfriend. She is mine. She told me that. Maybe next time, I do need to give her hickeys so I can prove she's mine. I wrapped my arm around Marina and pulled her a little closer to me. I felt like I needed to prove she was mine.

"Are you jealous, Lana?" Marina said. Her tone was adorable, but I could tell she was making of me.

"Of course, I am," I replied. "I just found out that someone is trying to steal my girl. She needs to know that I'm yours and you are mine,"

"She knows," Dani said. "But she isn't going to accept it anytime soon,"

"You should have heard what she said like 20 minutes ago," Kayla said.

"What did she say?" I asked. "Probably about how much she hates me,"

"Oh no, well, kinda," Will said. "No, she told us her entire plan to break you up,"

"You got to be fucking with us," Marina exclaimed.

"I wish we were," Fabian said. "The plan is very elaborate,"

"What is it?" Marina asked.

"She overheard your conversation today. She wants to try and get Lana to drink, so you lose all trust in her and break up," Dani said.

I felt ashamed of myself. She wouldn't be able to use that if I wasn't an alcoholic. Why did I ever try drinking? It's given me more problems than it's taken away. The sweet taste of beer would hit my lips and take the pain away. Marina does that for me now. Just thinking of her has the same effect as three cans of beer.

I was just in such a dark place. I lied to people whenever they saw me with a smile. It's crazy what love does to you. Sean had broken up with me around the same time Marina was forced to cut me off. The two people I loved were gone from my life. It was like two breakups at once. I went to write Chemtrails and Blue Banisters when all of that was going on, but it just wasn't enough to take the pain away.

I drank before and made life a bit more bearable then, so I hoped it would work again. It worked like magic for a while. It made me forget about my heartbreak for a while. Even though I would wake up with a terrible hangover every morning, it was still worth it for those few hours of freedom. Even though I had a few relationships then, they weren't enough to fill the void in my heart. Even the man I was engaged to couldn't fix me.

When Dad and Chuck found out I was drinking again, they didn't take it too lightly. The last time I was like this, I was sent to boarding school, but obviously, you can't do that with grown adults. I felt terrible for putting all that pressure on Chuck while she was pregnant, but I didn't know how else to help myself. They tried spending time with me to distract me, but I would open a beer when they went home. Mom and Dad forced me to sign up for AA, even though I knew it would never work. Plus, I don't think Mom cared. She can go fuck herself.

The first time I tried to get clean was when 'Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass' came out. I didn't want my fans to see me like that during the meet-and-greets. I was clean for a few days but then just got back into it. It didn't help that the press was constantly attacking me then.

The second time I tried to get clean was when Pheonix was born. I was terrified that Chuck wouldn't let me see her if I was an alcoholic. I was clean for a bit, but I went back to drinking in a few weeks. I wasn't drinking as much as I was, though. Pheonix helped me a lot. I think that made Chuck happy. I was getting back into songwriting around this time, so maybe that helped.