Blue Dreams (Larina)

Chapter 42

Marina's POV:

The reflection of the trees on the lake and the sound of birds in the night sky filled my heart with joy. The stars shimmered as they collected together to form pictures in the dark. I tried to pick out some of the constellations I knew. Waves crashed onto the beach, and I noticed some of my cheerful self returning.

I looked to my side and saw Lizzy full of smiles. She seemed to be calmer. I can only assume that nature must be calming for her as well. Lizzy wrapped her arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"God, I love you, baby," she said.

"I love you so much fucking more," I replied. "I'm so happy you forced me to go out,"

"I knew it would help you. You mean the world to me," Lizzy said before kissing me again.

I tried to hold on to the kiss as long as I could as I felt tears pricking my eyes. Lizzy's lips taste so sweet and give me a sense of love. The way she holds me makes me feel safe and cared for. How can I know someone loves me so much yet still want to die?

I felt a river of tears stream from my eyes. Lizzy wrapped her arms around me for comfort.

"I don't deserve you," I mumbled. "Find someone else who's less fucked up than me,"

"Mar," she said. "You're the best person out there for me. You are my everything,"

"How can you love me when I can't even love myself?" I asked, still crying.

"How couldn't I love you?" she replied. "You're talented, funny, and beautiful,"

I looked up at Lizzy and started crying again. She needs better. She has a million problems, and her girlfriend being suicidal shouldn't be one of them.

"Lizzy," I said. "I need help. I'm desperate. I can't keep living like this. I'm making both of our lives miserable,"

I noticed Lizzy's eyes get glossy. She pulled me into a tight hug with a few tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm going to get you help," she said. "I love you too much to lose you. I won't let you leave me ever again. You're not alone, baby,"

We cried on each other's shoulders for 5 minutes before Lizzy called an Uber to take us to the hotel. I knew I had to calm down somewhat before going into the Uber. My hand reached into my pocket and pulled out a cart. I can't say I didn't predict I would have a mental breakdown. As we waited by the curve, I raised the vape to my lips and took a puff.

"Wait, Mar, are you vaping?" Lizzy asked with a confused but concerned look.

"Yeah," I said.

"Nic or-" she asked.

"Weed," I replied, taking another puff. "Want a puff?"

"You're worrying me," Lizzy replied.

"Then take a puff," I replied. "It makes my worries go away,"

"This isn't the Marina I know," she said. "What happened to the Marina who's forcing me to quit vaping?"

"She died when Suzi raped her," I said bluntly, taking one last puff. "I still don't like you vaping, but I can't say shit about it anymore,"

I threw the cart back into my pocket and stared into the road, waiting for the high to kick in. Lizzy grabbed onto my hand and held it tight. A puff of smoke came from where Lizzy was standing. I chose to ignore it as I felt the sweet relief roll in.

—------------------

Lana's POV:

Marina has been smoking a lot of weed. She's never done it before. I don't think she has. I remembered the days before we left LA and before this fake Marina took over my girlfriend. All I can ask is to see a genuine smile on her face. I felt a few tears fall just thinking about it. So, at that moment, I decided something had to change. It can't always be about hope for better days.