To My First Love

~Reality~

I'm realizing that in all these past writes I've done for you. Not much positivity seems to be in our light. I can easily paint a smile for the world and pretend as if we are but that's not being true to myself. Instead I don't perceive this badly but instead truth. This is our reality.

I've read all the top 10 ways to make long distance relationships work. I've read garbage stories about other people's relationships. None of them really outline the difficulty and struggles. They glorify and beautify them when all reality this is the hardest kind of relationship. I've looked into love languages and I've seen all those advice posts on social media. It's hard when I truly understand that you're the type of person for physical interactions. Not much I can do when I'm far ways from you. That's our reality though. We're two people struggling but know that we're worth it. I know this because I never show you anything less of what love should be like. As for you, you're a dream that I want to believe in. I want to believe you're capable to take my love.

Do you want to know what I imagine every day? That at the end of all this distance, agony and waiting is that we'll be happy. I like to play this little daydream every day... Where I wake up beside you. Your arms wrapped around my hips as you look into my eyes and simply smile. The sun sparkling and glowing upon our bodies as if we lit up like buttercups. I have a bad history of making daydreams a reality but I'm betting all my chances and praying that this is the endgame. I may seem like I'm wavering but I want you to know that I'm not. I've never been one to back down from something I feel extremely strong about. You're my greatest motivation, you make me want to be a better person. To work as hard as you and to find self-accomplishments... Every time we talk, I hear that from you. It's fine, rather actually it is fun to dream about what we can and what we could be. Thought I will never forget the hardship we are going through currently. Things like these are what are going to haunt my skin. That's our reality.

I'm tired. Sleep-deprived and then during the day I'm thinking about you. Give me some ease at some point. Though what I love about us is that we're both doing our best. Every day small impacts or large, we do what we can. We're going to make it and we're going to get through this all. I don't want to write anymore angsty writes. I want to write about our deeper love. Nevertheless, both is our reality.