That's a Secret

Chapter 27

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My alarm goes off and I groan so loudly I think my brother could hear it in the next room. I quickly turn it off and try to push myself up off my bed.

It had been 2 weeks since Dylan and I went on our adventure to Niagara Falls.

I get myself into the shower and try to wake up. When I came out I quickly chose my outfit for the day, which was just leggings and an oversized hoodie. I put my hair into a messy bun, and only applied some mascara.

I run downstairs and head out the door, but not before grabbing my keys off the counter.

On my way to school I put on some of my music. These past few days I've been drowning myself in music. I haven't really been socializing with anyone lately, kinda distant with people, and j don't know why...

I was listening to Scars by Saywecanfly. It was a slow and obviously a sad song.

How confused you must be, finding love in the blood that you bleed.

I thought back to, what seemed like years, ago. I was so broken, and sad, and alone. I literally tried to kill myself!

Right now I just was thinking to myself, what was the point? What was the point in stopping all this. Why don't I cut anymore? Why don't I starve myself anymore? Why did I stop?

Was it because of Dylan? Or was it because I truly wanted to stop? Honestly I think it was because of Dylan, it wasn't for myself. And I think...as wrong as it sounds, I miss it. I miss cutting and the sensation you get from it. I miss the feel of starving myself. Why did I stop? And what's stopping me from starting again?

Nothing is. I thought to myself.

I threw all my blades and razors away, a long time ago. I guess I'm just gonna have to get more, aren't I?

And how am I gonna hide not eating from my dad and Dylan? That's just it, I'm not gonna be able to. What if I instead of not eating, I just puked it all out? I know I did it a couple times before but what if I continue to do that now? Then Dylan wouldn't think anything of it, and neither would my dad.

I arrived at school shortly after that. I headed inside, heading straight for my locker. I got a few hellos and good mornings from people I just nodded, not saying anything, and headed to my locker. I didn't want to talk to anyone today.

As I neared my locker I could see Dylan standing there, on his phone. I walked up to my locker, trying to avoid him. But I knew of course that wasn't gonna happen.

"Hey beautiful, how is my girl this morning?" Dylan says smiling at me. I broke eye contact with him, lying and saying I was fine.

Jus then the bell rang, thank you! I did not want to deal with Dylan right now, especially because I knew he didn't believe me when I told him I was 'fine'.

I headed off to math and I just sat at the back of class, barely listening or caring of what the teacher was saying.

When she gave us our homework for the day, I didn't start on it. I just sat back and put my headphones in. Once again I was drowning muskeg in my music. I just needed to get away.

I thought back to my Niagara trip with Dylan. I thought back to when he had said that he loved me. He also asked me if I truly loved him? I still don't know my answer. If I did, I didn't know how to express it to him.

The next song that played on my phone was Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra. I loved this song.

Little do you know how I'm breaking as you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories. Little do you know m trying to pick myself up piece by piece, little do you know I need a little more time...