That's a Secret

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"...I want you to be my girlfriend."

WHAT?!? I did not see this coming. I like Dylan I liked him a lot I just I can't. I can't do this whole relationship thing I just can't. He knows what's been going on in my life and he thinks I can be in a relationship? I just can't do this.

"Dylan I'm sorry I-I just can't." Tears welled in my eyes as i look back up at him. His eyes say it all, he was hurt. I didn't want to hurt him I just can't do this.

I stand up to leave, but Dylan pulls me into a hug. "Hey this doesn't mean we can't be just friends for now." He says to me with plead in his voice.

"Ya I guess," I let go of him and leave. Although I may say we could be friend I can't do that! I couldn't just stay best friend with a guy who clearly has feelings for me. His feelings for me would probably grow.

I just can't...

***

It's been three days since Dylan confessed his feelings for me and I hadn't talked to him at all. Literally. He's called, he's texted, he's even come to my house! I told my dad to tell him I wasn't here. I felt really bad for doing this but I had to has some space so I could think about things.

I hear a knock at my door. "Come in!" I yell to who ever is at the door.

My dad walks in with a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. "Want one?" He offered me the plate. These past few days I have done nothing but eat and then throw up 10 minutes later.

I take a cookie and put it in my mouth. I chew on it before asking my dad what he wanted.

"Honey I know your not ready for a relationship. And I am totally not asking you to go out with this guy because you know it's against dad code to do that. But honey give him a break. You were good friends before you can be that again." I look at him in shock, this was not the father-daughter talk we were gonna have.

I nod and he walks out the door. I think about it. The two weeks with Dylan were the best we went to the movies and we went skating, he made me laugh, he was always there when I was about to break down. I had some really great times. I did love him but as a friend nothing else.

I look down at the now empty plate of cookies and realized I ate the whole plate! I am so fat! I can't believe I did that! Ugh I was trying to stop eating fatty food and try to eat healthy instead of not eating or puking up what I had eaten.

I quickly stand up and go to the bathroom and puke all the cookies out. I couldn't live like this I hated my body I couldn't stop puking even if I tried to. Any time Dylan wanted to go out and eat I refused and said either I wasn't hungry it I already ate.

Dylan. I kept thinking about him, why? Why can't I go back to a time where he wasn't in my life and no one knew about me. I hated this.

I think I should text him. Or call. Say sorry or something. Ok I will. I got my phone and flopped on my bed. I called him.

First ring....second ring....third ring....fourth ring...fifth ring...

Omigosh he's ignoring me he hates me! Ik I shouldn't even call. I'm so stupid...

He picks up the phone..."Hello?"

I was quiet on the other line. I didn't know what to say I don't even remember why I called.

"Hello???" He says again

"Hi..." I say quietly.

Another awkward silence.

"Um Dylan I'm sorry..."

"For what? You did nothing wrong. I overstepped my boundaries I get that. If anything it should be me who is apologizing."

"I'm still sorry for avoiding you this past week..." I say quietly just loud enough for him to hear me.

"Becca I know you are dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I knew that and still I told you. I don't even know why. But I knew after you left me by the tree that you were gonna distance yourself from me. That's just who you are. And I promised myself that I would wait for you. I would be patient."

"Okay" I say I don't know what else to say.

"Okay"

"Ew did we just do that fault in our stars flirting thing!" I laugh that is actually really funny. I never planned that! By the way I never cried in that movie! I know I'm heartless. But it's really weird because I always cry in movies. For Pete's sake I cried in Monsers Inc.

"Ya I think we just did. That was unintentional by the way." We both laugh and I think we are back to normal. Or at least the most normal we could be in this situation.

We talked for two more hours and then say our good nights and hung up. This is good, I like this. Just really good friends and maybe in the far future something more. But right now nothing more.

As I am in bed that night I thought about Dylan and what life would be like if I didn't self harm or have depression. Maybe we could actually be together maybe I could actually do it.

And somewhere in my dreaming I fell asleep.