summer child // joshler

13

josh's point of view

when tyler's finished cleaning and i'm done with the leftover ice cream, we go outside and climb up to his roof. we sit next to each other and it's only quiet for a moment before tyler speaks.

"i'm really sorry i didn't get you anything," he apologizes for the third time today, his eyes looking down at his hands where he's rubbing his wrist with his thumb.

"it's okay, really. don't worry about it. i appreciate you coming at all," i tell him.

i mean it. gifts don't matter to me, i just wanted to spend time with my friends. and eat ice cream.

it's quiet again and tyler opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind and closes it, shaking his head.

"what is it?"

"huh?" he looks over to me.

"what were you going to say?"

"i..." he looks down again. "josh, are we going to be friends after summer is over? like, when school starts again and stuff?"

what? what made him think to ask that? does he not want to..? is he sick of me already?

"oh. i mean, i assumed so." it's my turn to look away this time. "i guess i understand if you don't want to though, like if you'd be embarrassed or-"

"no," he interrupts me suddenly. "no, i do want to. i missed you." he pauses and looks at me. "you're my only real friend, j. i don't care what anyone else might think. i'm not embarrassed. i just... i'm sorry that i was so shitty to you."

i didn't expect his answer or his apology, but i know it was hard for him and i appreciate him saying it nonetheless.

"ty, i get it. it's okay," i reassure him to the best of my ability, a small smile on my face.

"i really don't want to mess it up this time." his eyes are watery and it makes my chest feel tight.

i take one of his hands in mine and squeeze it gently. he stares down at them. "you won't."

before he can say anything else, we see two cars pull up to my mom's house. one pulls into the driveway and the other parks in the street. tyler and i exchange looks before climbing off the roof and walking over to see who it is.

to my surprise and dismay, my dad steps out of one of the cars. great.

"dad?" i shove my hands in my pockets, skeptical and uncomfortable. why would he decide to show up this year of all years?

his new wife and my stepmom of eight years, angela, steps out of the other car and hurries up the driveway to stand next to my dad.

"son." he rests his hand on one of my shoulders and squeezes it, a non-genuine smile plastered across his face. "happy birthday."

"thanks..?"

tyler stays silent from where he stands a step behind me. it feels nice knowing he's there, even if he's not saying anything.

"eighteen is a big year. you'll be going off to college soon. i know i haven't been the best father, but i wanted to give you this." he holds out the key to the car he parked in my mom's driveway.

'you haven't been a father at all,' is what i want to say. i stay quiet instead.

"happy birthday, sweetie!" angela smiles from where she's come to stand next to him, her lipstick a horrid shade of bubblegum pink and her hair an equally terrible shade of box blonde.

"angela and i were looking to buy a new car but i knew your mother couldn't afford to buy you one, so i figured i'd pass this one down to you. probably wouldn't get much selling it anyway. it can stay on my insurance, so don't worry about that. i'll even get a discount if you go to school." he lets out a dry laugh. "papers are in the glove compartment."

of course. he's tried to one-up my mom for every holiday he's decided to be a part of. this isn't for me. this is for him. he's not making up for anything.

however, i'm not going to turn it down. i'm not that spiteful. a car is a car, bribe or not.

"wow. um, okay. this is a lot." i pause, still confused on how sudden this all was. "thank you."

"don't thank me, son. enjoy. would you like to come to dinner with me and angela? our treat, for your birthday." he wraps one arm around her shoulder.

"no, that's okay... i appreciate it though. you two go on without me."

"if you insist." he winks at me. "feel free to use this to come see me, okay? we've got a spare room with your name on it."

"yeah, maybe." i clear my throat

'definitely not' would be a more accurate answer.

"alright, i'll leave you to it, i guess. i'm sure you and your friend would like to get back to your plans. i love you, joshua." he reaches out to squeeze my shoulder one more time and then walks away, angela following him.

"dude, are you okay?" tyler steps forward as soon as they're gone.

"yeah, i, um... i'm just... what the fuck? that was weird, right?"

"yes, very. and incredibly fucking cool. you have a car now! that's awesome. no need to overthink it anymore than that." he says, trying to lighten the mood.

"i mean, i guess. i just..." i pause and shake my head. "i wish it was for me."

"what do you mean?"

"that was for him. he was trying to make my mom feel like shit on purpose. if it was really for me, he wouldn't have left that quickly. he did it to piss her off and so he could justify buying himself a new one." i try to explain it the best i can.

i know his parents divorce has yet to reach any holiday and i hate to think that he'll experience this feeling. this pathetic form of hope that's dripping with rejection. i know tyler feels it at least a little already unfortunately. the want for his dad's approval but also resenting the fact that he wants it in the first place... and the let down of knowing he'll never get it anyway.

but, if nothing else, we have each other.

"well, for the record, i think you're doing great without him, j." he smiles a little and i know that he means it.

"thank you, ty."

"now, you wanna test drive this thing to taco bell or what?"

(an: me on the verge of tears with every chapter i write because fuck!!! i hate my dad. as i said, a lot of this is autobiographical so before you come at me for this being random, my parents also gave me a car for my 18th birthday for the sole reason of my dad wanting a new one 🤩  anyway. today is my 21st birthday and i still kept the car. her name is shelly and she treats me well.)