summer child // joshler

28

tyler's point of view

i'm laying in bed with josh, a romcom playing on the tv in front of us. i have one of his hands in mine, playing with his fingers absentmindedly.

i'm not quite sure what the movie is even about because i haven't really been paying much attention. but when the leads start to kiss, when they move to the woman's bed, i feel my cheeks burn bright red.

"this is... a lot more awkward now," i mumble, my bottom lip finding a home between my teeth.

"we can just pretend it's not happening." josh looks over to me with that small smile, like hot chocolate in the winter, sweet like marshmallows and whipped cream.

i smile back at him, my cheeks still pink. and then we're just laying there, looking at each other, the only sound coming from the tv and the quiet spinning of his ceiling fan. i really, really like him. i notice that i'm still playing with his fingers, his hands warm and safe, like they were made for me and me alone.

"so, um... can i ask you something?" i break the quiet when a question pops into my head.

"anything."

"you said you've never... you know..." i start, scared of the answer i'll get when i ask.

"yeah, i remember."

"did you ever, like... do... the other stuff?" i feel embarrassed for asking even though i'm almost positive josh would never judge me.

"ah. only twice, but yeah." he pauses, and then asks me, "have you ever done anything with anyone..?"

"no..."

humiliating. i am such a fucking loser. god.

"oh."

it's even more awkward now. the quiet that's settled is thick and almost uncomfortable. but there's still one more question i want to ask, one that makes my entire face burn and i know i must look like a damn tomato at this point.

"not like... right now or anything, but, maybe one day... would you ever want to, like... do something like that with me?" i push the words out even though they're difficult and feel heavy on my tongue.

josh leans forward and kisses me once. "whenever you're ready, i'd love to do something like that with you. i just don't want you to feel pressured or rushed. i don't want you to think that's something i expect of you or that you owe me. i'd hate for you to be uncomfortable or rush into it and regret anything."

"i don't think it's physically possible for you to make me uncomfortable."

josh smiles a little wider and presses another soft kiss to my lips. we both go back to watching the movie then, but a part of my mind is still hyper-focused on his reply.

'i'd love to do something like that with you.'

-

when i wake up, the first thing i do is check my phone. summer is going by much too fast for my liking and i still feel like i've not done enough.

i shake josh awake (gently, of course). "j, get up with me."

"hmm. why? i wanna sleep." he barely opens his eyes, making no move to actually get up.

"summer is going to be over soon. i want to do something with you today."

he rubs his eyes and yawns. "okay, okay. what do you want to do today?"

i take a moment to think before i answer. "i want to take you on a date."

a sleepy smile paints itself onto josh's perfect face, the sunlight creeping through the blinds and illuminating his skin. his hair is messy, curls sprawled across the pillowcase. i feel nervous around him now, like he's going to realize how far out of my league he is any second. he doesn't.

"yeah?"

"yeah." i lean down to kiss him once (just because i can).

after getting ready for the day, i walk with josh to my car and open the door for him. he thanks me and buckles his seatbelt as i run across to my side of the car.

"where are we going?" he asks, his head turned to look at me fully as i back out into the road.

"it's still pretty early so maybe coffee? we could do breakfast at that cafe downtown and then maybe catch a movie or something? there's not too much to do here. dates are really just hanging out but with extra steps."

"that's a fair point i guess. sounds like a good plan to me."

-

"that is disgusting." i take a sip of my coffee to wash the taste of his pastry out of my mouth.

he laughs, his eyes crinkled up at the edges and his tongue poking out between his teeth. i did that.

i feel the fluttering in my stomach that's so often described in books and movies, the feeling i never thought i'd have.

"is it the almonds?" he asks, picking one off the surface and flicking it at me, his smile lingering.

"probably. it's all of it. i cannot believe i paid five dollars for you to eat something that tastes like a foot," i reply, unable to finish the sentence without laughing.

"i told you i'd pay for myself and you punched me in the arm."

"yes, joshua, because we are on a date. i'm paying for your movie ticket too. so take that."

"it's nice seeing you like this, ty," is all he counters with.

"what do you mean?"

he scoops some whipped cream onto his finger from his coffee and swipes it onto my nose. "happy."

-

after the movie (which we held hands through [the entire time {it was great}]), i drive us home. when i pull into josh's driveway, he gives me a questioning look.

"why aren't you parking in your driveway?"

"this is a date. i'm going to walk you to your door and then go home."

"tyler, we're literally neighbors. you could've parked in your driveway and still walked me to my door."

"shh. i know." i get out of the car and run around to his side, opening the door for him again.

"well, thank you."

i take his hand in mine and smile down at where our fingers interlock. we walk up to his front door and i lean up to kiss him for just a few seconds.

"i'll text you later, yeah?"

"i'd like that."

(an: i hate almonds, kiss my ass.)