summer child // joshler

20

josh's point of view

and there on his roof, with the sun setting on the last day of june, i kiss him.

it's a longer kiss than the first, but it feels just like it did when we were at the campsite. like fireflies and the cherry on top of a milkshake. like the shade of pink the sky lights up during sunsets like the one above us, like where the waves meet the shore. like the moment a butterfly breaks out of its cocoon. it's new and warm and perfect.

i pull away first this time and tyler looks at me with wide eyes. "we-"

"yeah, we did. twice now." i smile softly at him and then speak again, "if it's less scary when you're with me, then i'll just..." i pause and shrug. "stick around till it's not scary anymore."

tyler moves to lean his head on my shoulder and i put an arm around him, leaving it at that.

-

when we eventually head into my house, my mom tells us to wash our hands and get to the table, that she's almost done making dinner.

we do as she says and shortly after, there's plates of pasta in front of us.

"thank you, miss laura," tyler says, taking the first bite of his food. "it's delicious."

"yes, it is. thanks, mom."

"oh, don't thank me. i love cooking. it's nice to have you here to enjoy it with us, tyler. where's your mom tonight?"

"oh. um, i think she's still home." he blushes a little. "i guess i should've mentioned that i'd be here."

"i'll just call her when we're done then." she smiles. "there's some left still. no worries."

tyler nods and we eat in silence for a few moments before my mom speaks again.

"so, tyler, have you thought about college? do you know where you want to go?"

oh no.

i look to tyler, watching as his eyes widen just a bit. he clears his throat. "uh, no, i'm not quite sure yet."

"oh, don't worry then, love. i didn't even go to college until i was twenty-three. you take your time," she tells him, finishing her plate and standing to rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.

we put our dishes in too before heading back to my room. i turn the tv on and let a random sitcom play at a low volume.

"i'm, uh... i'm gonna change into some pajamas," i tell him. "i don't care if you stay in here or whatever."

"oh," tyler squeaks. "i'll just... could i borrow some sweats or something? i'll change in the bathroom so you can change in here."

"of course, yeah." i dig through my drawers and pull out two pairs of sweatpants. i hand him one and watch as he scurries out of the room.

when he comes back, we both lay down facing each other.

"so, um... where are you thinking about going?" he asks, his voice is quiet.

"i was thinking about centerstone. not too far from my mom but still enough distance for me to be more independent."

"what do you wanna do?"

"maybe something in like... advertising? like graphic design for advertising companies maybe? that way i can be creative but still hopefully make good money," i answer honestly, hoping that if he knows i don't have a full plan yet either, it'll make him feel a bit better about his total lack of.

"that's kind of lame," he says, a playful smile pulling at his lips.

"shut up." i laugh quietly, reaching out to gently punch his shoulder.

"i'm still not sure. every time i've thought about it, i think about maybe being like... a math teacher? i don't know."

"so advertising is lame, but math isn't?"

"touché." he shrugs a little and then a comfortable silence sets in.

my eyes fall closed and i'm almost asleep when tyler speaks again.

"do we need to talk about what happened?" his voice is quiet and unsure, like he's afraid of my answer.

"only if you want to." i open my eyes again and he's got a worried look on his face.

"i just... i don't want anything to change between us," he answers.

"then it doesn't have to."

"but i-i really like kissing you, josh. and that's scary for me, but i think it's a good scary." his eyebrows are furrowed and i can tell that this is hard for him.

i lean forward and kiss him, just for a second. "alright. then nothing has to change and we can still kiss," i reassure him.

"but shouldn't we-"

"tyler, you have enough on your plate. i will help you in any way i can. it doesn't have to be complicated. we get to decide this, okay? if you want to be friends that kiss, that's fine with me. i promise. it's okay. stop worrying so much."

he nods and doesn't say anything else. he just moves to lay his head on my chest and wraps an arm around me.

i meant what i said, i'll do anything he asks if it helps him. it does complicate things a bit for me, but i don't want him to worry about my feelings while he's still sorting out his.

i also like kissing him, maybe more than i should. it's new but it's welcomed, the butterflies in my chest swarming as we lay here, snuggled up together.

that's a problem for later.

(an: hello! we are almost halfway done with this story! i will be so sad to see it end :,( )