Molly's Fics Cause she Refuses to Read Them on Ao3

Reason to live --- Found

It's one in the morning, and Dazai finds himself sitting on the couch, contemplating something. Dazai has been suicidal for as long as he can remember, but because of that darned doctor, he couldn't end his life all those years ago...but now, why couldn't he ever find himself to genuinely want to do it? He's simply been putting up with the act for quite a while now, especially since he finally made up with Akutagawa and officially dated Chuuya.

...he's officially dating Chuuya...still sounds like a dream to him. How did he even end up dating that hat rack in the first place? Well, however it may be, Dazai can no longer find the urge to end his life. So he stands up from the couch he's sitting on, grabs his "Complete Guide to Suicide" book and threw it away. Just then, the door to his shared apartment with Chuuya opens.

"I'm home," Chuuya tiredly says.

"Welcome home chibi," Dazai says happily and teasingly, greeting his boyfriend with open arms.

"Hello to you too mackerel," Chuuya grumbles slightly, letting himself lean onto Dazai's open arms.

"Was work tiring today?" Dazai asks in his sing-song tone.

"Of course you tall idiot, what about your work?" Chuuya asks back, still leaning onto his boyfriend.

"Well Kunikuda has been giving me a hard time with reports, kind of glad Atsushi is always willing to give me a hand," Dazai relays it with his usual playfully-annoyed tone while he breaks the hug and drags Chuuya deeper into the apartment.

The two stop the conversation there since Chuuya looks absolutely tired. Wanting to be an actually caring lover for once, Dazai lets Chuuya flop himself onto the bed and starts the water, letting warm water flow onto the bathtub. Once he deems it good enough, he goes back into the bedroom to get his tired partner.

"Chuuya, the water's ready. You should at least take a bath before sleeping," Dazai says with sincerity in his voice.

On normal days, Chuuya would tease and ask him about it, but he's too darned tired for that, so he lets Dazai pick him up and bring him into the bathroom. After a nice long and warm bath, the two cuddle on the bed, ready for a peaceful night.

"You'll still be alive and breathing later in the morning...right?" Chuuya worriedly asks.

Dazai doesn't answer for a bit, which causes Chuuya to look up to his taller lover.

"Of course I'll still be breathing. Now that I'm dating chibi, there's no way I can end my life," Dazai pauses for a bit, "Unless..."

"Why did I even ask," Chuuya grumbles annoyingly, snuggling closer to Dazai, as not wanting to let him go, which causes him to chuckle.

The next morning, Dazai wakes up to Chuuya no longer next to him. The redhead is probably making breakfast. But then again...he's not smelling any food being cooked, maybe he's left? Checking the time, there was no way Chuuya had left at 7 in the morning.

Getting off bed, he goes to the living room to check, only to find Chuuya holding his "Complete Guide to Suicide" book that he threw away the night before. Hearing him entering, Chuuya looks up to Dazai. His expression is a mix of confusion, shock, and happiness.

"You threw away your book...?" Chuuya asks, still holding the book.

Dazai doesn't answer. Instead, he approaches Chuuya, grabs the book and puts it back in the trash can without giving it a glance and hugs his boyfriend. Chuuya doesn't need any verbal confirmation after that, so he hugs back with tears forming. This of course, didn't go unnoticed by the other male.

"Are you crying, chibi?" Dazai asks softly with a hint of his usual playful tone, patting his lover's head.

"Why wouldn't I be? I've always been worried that you'll one day end your life and I'll come back home to nothing but a goodbye note," Chuuya's voice trembles, "I worry that I would be away when you need me the most, that I won't be able to save you in time. I worry every single damn second of every day..."

"Shhh, it's alright now, you can stop worrying. My goal was to commit a clean suicide without being a burden to anyone, but now that I have you, there's no way I could ever do it," Dazai says in a soft tone, patting Chuuya's head.

The rest of the morning is spent in each other's arms. For the first time, Chuuya is grateful that he doesn't have a set schedule in the mafia, that way he can spend mornings like this without worry.

For the first time in a long time, Dazai can finally feel the warmth of someone's embrace, and Chuuya can finally feel relieved after two years of endless worrying. The sun crawls through the window apartment as it marks a new chapter in these two's journeys. Hopefully, it will always be this warm.

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