Molly's Fics Cause she Refuses to Read Them on Ao3

Treacherous Sofa

Dazai's curse is muffled under the hoard of blankets that, some would say, have avalanched him. The man hanging his coat and toeing his shoes off is presented with a sight from his nightmares— his worst fears, rather.

" Bastard." feet stomp their way to Dazai's outstretched hand, the only visible part of the man buried under his own creation.

"Chuuyaaa~~ you came home too early!" Dazai swipes at Chuuya's feet in a vain attempt to trip him into the pile. Chuuya tisks and from the sound of his voice and the way Dazai's hand is just about crushed under his slipper, he isn't too pleased with the display before him.

"'The hell are you doing?"

"I wanted to give my beloved slug the welcome he deserves, but oh," Dazai sighs wistfully and buries his head in one of the many pillows surrounding him, "the chance to suffocate myself was too great to pass up!"

"That's a poor excuse for ruining the living room." The scoff is distant. The mound shakes as the intruder grabs expertly at Dazai's hair and yanks him to the surface. Pillows topple, blankets unravel to the floor and the perfect opportunity Dazai gushes about falls into a scattered mess of comforters and rumpled rugs.

"Moving in really did a number to your sorry brain, didn't it?" Chuuya's ungloved hands are rough against Dazai's face.

"Hello to you too." Dazai rubs his head. He's certain Chuuya pulled out several hairs. "Moving in with you would do that to anyone."

He knows this first hand. Even though the pair finally moved to a place that warrants a breath of fresh air, Dazai's aching head has not had a bit of relief. Dazai has done his fair share of meeting Chuuya's crazy demands— whether they be halfway or past the moon. His head has gone fuzzy and his heart has tripped over itself more than he'd like to admit because of his partner. So, if his brain has undergone damage, it's Chuuya's fault.

Chuuya rolls his eyes and presses a quick kiss to Dazai's cheek before tugging him out of whatever ruined plan of his lay at their feet.

"You couldn't behave yourself for two hours?" With hands on his arms, Dazai is turned around to face the damage he has done. It's not a complete wreck. Books previously occupying the coffee table lay on the floor, the couch is stripped of its cushions and blankets reach halfway across the room. Chuuya's dramatizing the whole thing.

"I was planning a surprise!" Dazai pulls Chuuya close as if that would get him to see the beauty before them, now a tragedy. He squeezes Chuuya in the hug, both know there are worse things for him to have done.

"At least it's not dinner." Dazai would argue that's the whole reason Chuuya had them move from the first apartment.

Chuuya shakes his head and slips out of Dazai's grasp.

"You're not pulling that awful stunt here, got it? What evil plan of yours were you trying anyway?"

With all the pride of a shameless fish, Dazai answers,

"I was gonna build a fort!"

"And just when I thought you were starting to make sense."

"Chuu~ I'm serious! All of your surprises were gonna be put to shame. But the stupidly large couch you just had to get wouldn't budge a hair for me." Dazai gestures, throwing a glare at the couch, his companion turned into the newest enemy.

"It truly is your couch. It'll move for you, I know it." Dazai laments and throws his arms around an unimpressed Chuuya.

"You want me to move it so you can dirty all of our throw blankets, sheets and pillows?"

"It's not all of them." Dazai reasons and steps back to let Chuuya work his muscles.

With a sigh, Chuuya easily moves aside the traitorous sofa.

"And the table? You can't help me build your chibi sized fort with it in the way." Dazai avoids the slipper kicked in his direction.

"I knew it!" Chuuya hisses. "You waited for me to get back so you wouldn't have to do the heavy lifting!"

"Nonsense! You have to be here to assure the final product will be chibi-sized."

Dazai runs before he gets a shoe to the face.

He dashes to their bedroom to return minutes later with blankets spilling from his arms. And in such a short time, Chuuya has started (reluctantly) constructing a structure big enough for one person. Upon seeing Dazai with pillows from their bed, his face falls.

"Dazai."

"Now that's all of them. We're sleeping here tonight!" He peeks around the structure, frowning at the apparent issue of it being Chuuya sized.

"I'm not helping you with yours." He says, to Dazai's dismay.

Dazai scowls, experiencing a myriad of foul emotions. "Fine." He responds and trudges to his own spot, intending to use the couch in his building because he's stubborn and two can play that game.

---

Two cannot play that game.

Dazai is stingy and Chuuya is too boastful.

Within ten minutes they're fighting over supplies and within twenty-five they have declared an all out war on each other.

"Oi!" Chuuya swats the other's leg away too late. A pillow wall caves in. "Using your longer limbs is cheating!"

Dazai sticks his tongue out. "Chuuya's at a height dis— ACk!" Several pillows knock him into his own fort, crushing blankets and his heart as his masterpiece of a temporary base is destroyed. Torn and shattered from the inside out, there is only one thing left for him to do.

He glares at Chuuya and gathers all of his inner child's fury.

"No. No." Chuuya gasps and points an accusatory finger his way. "Dazai. Mackerel. Bastard. Osamu. Do NO- AAH!" Chuuya is too late to back away as his partner barrels into him and his fort. The weight of a giggling fish presses him into the wreck beneath them.

"YOU-" Chuuya grabs at Dazai, rolling them over until he's glaring down at the brunet.

"Ahahaha-"

"Not funny! You- you shitty fish!" Chuuya lightly punches Dazai's chest and flicks his head. He'd love to knock some sense into the man's head but he fears he'd lose a partner and housemate if he did.

Dazai's laughter subsides, leaving a grin on his face.

"If I go down, you're coming with me." He breathes. His eyes are too serious for the playfulness of his words.

"Right, right. 'Cause you're a selfish asshole and we're partners, sure." Chuuya waves off the statement and kisses him to lighten the atmosphere again.

"You're no better!"

"I would never rope myself with you." Chuuya stands and leaves Dazai to help himself up. "Now come on, are we gonna build a proper fort or are you sleeping on the couch with no cushions tonight?"

Chuuya smiles and Dazai is unable to be mad at him for leaving him to pick himself up. (In the literal sense. Dazai's learned Chuuya would never agree to letting him put himself back together by himself. He'd throw a fit!)

"Fine. But if you drool on my pillow again, you're the one sleeping on the couch skeleton."