Molly's Fics Cause she Refuses to Read Them on Ao3

There's No Way They're Dating

Tw/Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Romance, Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships
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It's known to everyone that Dazai likes to skip work.

Throughout his years at the agency, he's come up with many, many excuses for his absences- if not, his lack of punctuality.

Some of the examples include:

"I had to bring my dog to the vet." (Dazai hates dogs?)

"I had to visit my parents." (Do I have to explain this?)

"I'm sick." (Cue the fake cough).

However, on this fine, fine day, the agency has heard yet again, a terrible excuse from Dazai.

This one, more unbelievable than all the rest!

"I'm celebrating me and my boyfriend's fourth anniversary."

The room's heads turned- no, they spun around so fast- at the sight of Dazai's surprisingly neat outfit- and is that gel in his hair?

The detectives turned to look at each other, then back at Dazai.

"Your- Boyfriend?"

(Said in perfect unison).

"Yes?" Dazai says, glancing at his watch (when did this man ever keep track of the time?) and sighing. "At this rate, I'll be late. I'm going to get going-"

"Dazai, we've heard all sorts of excuses from you, and this by far is the most terrible one. Do you expect us to believe you?" Kunikida says, eyes narrowing in suspicion while Dazai begins to laugh.

"Oh my, I can't believe you all think I don't have a partner. Do you all think so little of me?" The brunette asks. "To think that I wanted to let you all meet him too!"

The detectives turned to look at each other, then back at Dazai.

"WHAT?"

(Also, said in perfect unison).

"I'll be heading off now!"

Dazai rushes out the door before anyone else can question him any further.

"For the record, I think there is absolutely no way Dazai is dating," Yosano says once she's sure the brunette has left, returning to sit down at her desk. "Wanna bet on it?"

"I'm in!" Ranpo says, grabbing an empty pen holder that's sitting on one of the vacant desks and passing it to Yosano. "How much?"

"3000 yen that Dazai is bluffing," The doctor says, opening her wallet and placing the money into the pen holder. "Should we even let Ranpo bet? He's gonna win it anyways."

"Well, what if I don't bet, but everyone that bet for the wrong answer has to pay me a little additional fine of 500 yen."

The members of the agency look at each other, silently contemplating Ranpo's suggestion.

In the end, all of them end up agreeing to the deal anyways.

Atsushi frowns and looks in his wallet too- though it's significantly more empty than anyone else's here, courtesy of the many crepes he had to buy for Kyouka.

"1000. I think Dazai's actually dating." He says, silently crying a bit at his now very flat wallet.

"I bet 2000-"

"Kyouka, where did you even get that money?" Atsushi interrupts, brows furrowing in curiosity.

"-that Dazai is dating." The girl continues, swiftly ignoring the question.