Molly's Fics Cause she Refuses to Read Them on Ao3

Oh Ana [Body Worship]

Chuuya hated himself. It was simple. It wasn't a prevalent thought throughout his day, he did his duties as an executive and did them well. He didn't let the dark thoughts cloud over him while he worked over his desk or twisted people's necks.

He did let them tumble over when he stepped into his apartment. Hanging up his coat and hat respectively, and tipping off his shoes, he walked straight to his bathroom, avoiding the kitchen at all costs.

He quickly shed himself of the rest of his clothes, hands shaking slightly from malnourishment on the buttons of his vest, and when he leaned down to pick up his discarded clothes black dots lined his vision. He cursed, and slowly stood up straight. He threw the clothes into his laundry basket with a huff, as he stared at himself in the mirror, only clad in black boxers.

He wanted to disappear. He hated the image he saw, his stomach, from other's point of view was bony and near skeletal. But to him, he looked bloated and disgusting. He turned to the side and sucked in, anger forming in his veins. Why couldn't he always look like that? What was wrong with him?

His body already held the remains of an evil God, so why does the outside of him have to reflect that? It wasn't fair. He hated himself so much, it hurt. His chest tightened and he leaned against the bathroom sink, head tilted down as he watched the water drip from the tap. His stomach growled and it nearly hurt, he hadn't eaten since last night, opting to just drink water today since his mind kept telling him it was too much.

He left the bathroom without looking back, and took out a big shirt from the closet, it was Dazai's and it still smelled like his insufferable boyfriend. Speaking of said Mackerel, he was supposed to come over for dinner tonight. Dinner. Chuuya felt anxiety bubble in his chest at the mere thought of having to eat, and he quickly began to think of excuses to not do so. His boyfriend wasn't aware of his habits, at least not to Chuuya's knowledge. And if he did find out, Chuuya didn't want to think he was weak. Afterall, what a childish thing for a Mafia executive to deal with. He wouldn't blame Dazai if he laughed in his face.

Chuuya sat down on his couch, laying his head down on the arm rest and closed his eyes to wait until the arrival of his boyfriend.

—

Keys jangled into the lock of his door and Chuuya rumbled awake, checking his phone. He had only been asleep for a half hour or so, and he quickly sat up to greet Dazai. His body had other plans, black dots lined his vision once more and he fell forward, unable to see and disoriented.

"Chuuuuyaa~ I'm home!" Dazai's voice rang out but it sound muffled to Chuuya's ears, his vision still not back.

Dazai quickly noticed his boyfriends position and shut the door with his foot, setting the bags of takeout down on the kitchen counter. He made his way to Chuuya quickly, kneeling down to put a hand to his back.

"Chuuya? What happened, getting senile on me?" Concern laced his voice despite the jab, and Chuuya huffed, using Dazai to help himself back to his feet.

"You wish bastard, I'm not that much older than you anyways. If anything you're going to be the one to go senile, with all that junk food and sake you drink." Dazai just smiled and laughed cheekily at Chuuya, placing a chaste kiss to his forehead, seemingly unaware of Chuuya's fatigue.

Chuuya's stomach decided now would be a great time to rumble loudly, and his face flushed pink as he held his hands over it. Dazai smirked as he made his way back to the counter, draping his coat on a nearby stool.

"Is my chibi hungry? Gosh, you'd think you were starving!" Chuuya winced inwardly at Dazai's wording and swallowed thickly. He made his way to the counter as Dazai pulled out the contents of the take out bag, and it smelled amazing.