Say You Want Me

Regret

Spencer's head was on ten as it pulsed.

How much did I have tonight?

He thought to himself rubbing the side of his head, trying to refresh his memory on what happened tonight. He remembers getting to the bar, killing about 30 shots, seeing the doctor from the hospital, the one who couldn't save his daughter. The only thing he could remember was telling the man how he should've done more before one of his brothers showed up. His eyes fluttered open, pacing the room, vaguely realizing the difference. Of course, he was too hungover to care an great deal. He grabbed his phone checking the time. Three in the afternoon, four missed calls, two from Kianna, one from Trey, and one from Grace. He tossed his phone to the sofa covering his eyes with the cup of his arm. He didn't want to hear from anyone, because he knew all they would say is how much he messed up, like he didn't already know this himself. Despite that, he couldn't stop the impossible. He winced at the sounds of an loud banging coming from the front of of his house.

"Spencer asshole James, open this door!" Kianna screamed from the other side.

She'll go away eventually.

"Damn it, James!" She hollers. He sits up slowly, dropping his head into his own palms. He truly didn't have the patience or will for this right now.

"I know you're in there!"

She kicked her leg against the door. He finally got up, opening the door to eyes of anger staring back at him, forcing him to take an few steps back.

"Good morning, mamas"

"Don't!" Her small hands pushed back against his chest.

"Don't you say one word to me! I will beat the living crap out of you with my bare hands. I can't believe you. Who are you right now, where's the Spencer James I knew? You think you're the only one who knows loss? Do you think period? Nope, I didn't think so! You had the audacity to say all those things to her! You just let her leave, you let her walk away! What's the matter with you?"

Kianna ranted with the elevation in her voice growing higher as she threw hits his way.

"What in the world are you talkin bout?"

"Your kidding me right!!" Her voice raised straight to blind rage.

"Kianna" He sighed.

"I don't know why you're yellin at me like this" She slapped her hands to her legs tilting her head back in exasperation.

"Look round you, Spencer. Look at this house, tell me what you see, you slow ass dummy"

He took an second with his eyes wandering around, trying to pinpoint what could be off in his surroundings. Everything was like he remembered, only it wasn't like he remembered. The photo of Kianna and Olivia that been sitting on the mantle was gone. The blanket that Olivia brought from home, that had been draped over the back of the sofa was missing. Little things she had out disappeared. His feet moved to the bedroom, throwing open his closet, finding it empty. No clothes hanging. He rushed to the bathroom to find all her girly belongings gone. She left. Then his mind went back to the night before, when he arrived home. It came in waves, but he recalled his memory of the argument. The way she begged him, and how he dismissed her without an second thought. He made her think his feelings for her were never real. He lied and now she was gone.

In his head, he saw this was coming. The life she wanted, and he tried to give her an reason to let him go. Hurting her went against everything he once stood for but keeping her with him felt selfish. She believed she loved him, but he knows she loved her life before him way more. After losing Faith, he thought there was no other reason for her to stay. He saw the goodbye the minute she opened her eyes in that hospital room. He just helped her arrive to that destination an little faster.