Say You Want Me

Runnin' On Empty

"See you back at the house?" Mrs. James asked.

"I just want to go to bed honestly"

Olivia sat on the grass, running her fingers through the blades, wishing she could float away into the wind. How easy it would be to drift and let the breeze take her where it wanted to go. Instead, she was sinking deeper into the ground beneath her feet. Spencer, his parentals, Kianna, Darnell, and Trey stood around, unsure of what to do. They buried Faith, the very last thing they had to do before leaving the hospital. Doctors and nurses expressed this was the first step on the road of grief and healing. Olivia thought it was far from the truth. It had been twelve days since the accident, and she wasn't finding it any easier to accept everything that had happened. She sat and cried, waded through waves of anger, then slipped right back into numbness. Spencer tries, he wanted to fix things, only there was nothing to fix. They buried Faith Emma James under an oak tree on the James land. She overlooked beautiful hills with an small pond. It was peaceful, and Olivia found small solace knowing her daughter was surrounded around beauty.

"Okay, honey, I'll stop by tomorrow with food" Mrs. James crouched next to her.

"I love her too" Olivia's eyes snapped up.

"Nothing in this world like the feeling of a mother's love. No man can truly understand the depths of that. I know your hurting, I don't know what it's like to lose one of my own, but...just imagining it-"

Grace James was the most caring woman Olivia had ever known. Everyone was feeling an level of sadness. They fought to get Olivia out of the car, shed tears when they found they'd lost Faith, and have been at the hospital everyday since. This little family she had grown accustomed to, and loves was struggling right now.

"I never thought it could hurt this much" Olivia admitted. Grace cupped her chin.

"The minute you accepted carrying that baby was the minute she took ownership over your heart. Grieve, Olivia. Feel what you need to feel, struggle, and find your way back in your own terms and in your own way, but let us be here"

Grace kissed her cheek, swiping away her own tear. Kianna curled up next to her as the three brothers stood in an circle off to the side. After a while, Olivia lies on Kianna's lap, letting her fingers brush her hair back. They didn't have to say much. The true beauty of friendship. Kianna continued running her fingers through Olivia's hair, giving her the space to relish in the quiet. Tears fell, simply because she didn't know how to stop them. They explained how her hormones are gonna go through some of the same rapid changes you would had you delivered full term. Apparently, the body doesn't know the difference between bringing home an baby and burying one. She swayed from one extreme to another, but she stayed mostly in the bleakness.

"We lost quite an bit the past few years" Kianna spoke softly.

"I'd like it to be over"

"We don't know our own strength until we're forced to face it" Olivia tilted her head back to look at her.

"I'm doing my best" Kianna shook her head quickly.

"You're doing fine, babe. Listen though, I don't want you freaking out, so I'm just going to tell you now" Olivia rolled on her back, waiting for it. Kianna's lips curled down, as she sighed.

"Darnell and I decided to put the wedding off another two or three months"

"No!" Olivia winces.

"Please don't say it's because of me and this"

"It isn't, I promise you. We got a lot going on with the lot and with being sued by Lena for wrongful termination. It's better if Darnell and I don't marry before that's cleared. So, after speaking to the lawyers, we decided to push things back an few months" She reassured.