What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

KYU

I get lost in thought sometimes

Remembering a past

In which we both were perfect crimes

Chuuya's POV

"Ah, Chuuya. What did Mori-san tell yo-"

"Nothing important, dammit!" Interrupting her abruptly, and knowing I might have been a bit rough towards her, I apologize, not daring look her in the eyes. To be honest, I feel somewhat ashamed regarding my reaction. It's not her fault. I shouldn't pour these nasty emotions on her. She doesn't deserve it.

I begin walking away from her and that damn office, hoping that I still have some alcohol for emergencies at home to drown my inner frustrations, which are popping up inside my head at an alarming rate.

I'm simply not in the mood right now to stay around headquarters.

I want to forget. To numb myself. To feel nothing at all.

"Hey, Chuuya, are you okay?" With that question, my senses seem to return a bit to normal, as if she was the reason to stay in this place a bit longer, but what can I say? Once again boss has proven to me that he doesn't care at all. That she is all he cares about, and simply because of her ability. "Wait, your cheek..."

No second warning. Before I even have time to react, she places herself in front of me, making me bump into her before stopping walking. She looks at me, this time her eyes filled with concern.

"It's nothing." I scoff, averting my gaze and unconsciously biting my lip. For an instant, I have the impression times slows down, and that I'm trapped in that uncomfortable situation. I feel... weak. She is the only one who seems to be able to tame me and my aching heart. Calm me down. If she wanted, she could defeat me without wasting any energy. One instant would be enough to knock me down.

The same instant she needs to get closer to me as a warm palm touches my face, caressing it with the tips of her fingers, unexplainably soothing the pain I've been feeling until now. Including my inner demons.

Indeed, she has already defeated me. I've surrendered to her charms.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Her voice slightly cracks as she speaks, and, finally gathering the courage to look her in those beautiful eyes, I smile at her. She looks so worried right now, I can't help but remember the past.

How much she's given me.

How many times she's saved my life.

How many times she's made me smile when I was at my worst.

How many times she cried because she thought she had lost me or Dazai.

Remembering the punch, I understand that telling her the truth will only hurt her. She'll place the blame on herself. She is tough outside and inside, but not when it comes to the people that she's close to. And she doesn't deserve carrying this burden. She doesn't deserve carrying any burden at all. So, I bite my tongue and, trying to look fine, I prefer not wanting to dig in the issue.

"Nah, it's just a scratch as you say."

"Will... Will you tell me why he-?"

I don't let her keep talking. I know what will happen if we move on like this. And she won't like what she'll hear.

"Not now. Not yet." I vaguely answer, staring at her deep green eyes overflowing with emotions. "I'd rather go home once and for all and have a drink, though." I half-joke, starting to walk towards the exit.

"Alright." She states, coming closer to me. for a second, I feel our arms brushing against each other's, and I suddenly feel my cheeks heating. Her soft voice isn't helping me keep my composure, either. "Just know that if you need anything, you can count on me, okay?"