What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

JUU SAN

I woke up from a nightmare.

There weren't monsters to see

Just a life without you there

Standing next to me.

Dazai's POV

What is this warmth I'm feeling? I was drowning a few seconds ago, but the pain is slowly going away...

From afar, I hear a soft and delicate female's voice chanting some magic words, as though they were made for me to listen to them. I pay even more attention and, going to great lengths to reach it, I open my eyes, little by little, ending up staring at the ceiling of the Armed Detective Agency. With not much strength left on me, I carefully turn my head around, finally encountering the missing part of my past.

"Kera-chan?" I whisper as I see her sleepy head leaning on the bed, her closed eyes silently crying as she breathed peacefully. Careful not to wake her, I move my right hand towards her head and, remembering the old times, I start caressing it with the tips of my fingers, combing her hair and untangling it a bit. "How did you find me?" I tell her, knowing she is not awake to answer my questions. "You sure are a box full of surprises..." I end up sighing, moving closer to her and turning around to face her.

In the silence of the place, I can almost hear her heartbeat, beating nonstop and almost like a melody that conveys joy and gloom at the same time.

I stare at her, examining her saddened facial features and, watching how tears keep pouring down her cheeks, I finally wipe them away with my thumb, caressing her cheek. To the touch, she suddenly squishes my hand tighter, as if she was scared of letting go, and keeps weeping tears.

Tears for me.

Tears for us.

Tears that I don't deserve.

"Kera-chan... you are still in pain because of me, aren't you?" I softly tell her, looking at her delicate body and covering it with a blanket the moment I see her starting to shiver. And, when I do, I see her arm on a sling, making me feel somewhat guilty for what happened.

We weren't supposed to meet there, but there we were.

And I couldn't do a thing. She was faster than me. She still protected me despite having caused her so much agony by faking my own death.

She said she wanted me to have a good life, even when I only caused her despair and loneliness.

She... She is just too kind for someone like me. She is just too pure, and strong, and caring for somebody with a past like mine. And still, she comes back when I need it. She makes my chest feel lighter, she soothes the pain.

She has the special ability to make me feel... complete...

"Kera, I never told you, but thanks for everything you've given me when we both know I'm unworthy..." I whisper as I close my eyes once more, falling asleep and feeling safe after almost four years. No.

After feeling home after almost four years.

...

"Mmmm..." As I notice something cold being placed on my forehead, I watch a pale hand brushing my head and covering me with a white blanket.

The next thing I see is two deep green orbs looking at me with concern, and an almost non-existent smile on her lips.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up..." she shyly says with a cracked voice as she retrieves her hand from my hair. "But you were panting a lot..."

"No... It's fine..." I tell her, getting lost in her once again, watching how her face doesn't have traces of tears anymore. "How long... have you been here?"